Ketterdam University

{thirteen}

            Kuwei was fun.

            That was the most accurate description Jesper could bring himself to use for the boy. He never seemed to be in a bad mood around Kuwei, who was always laughing at his own jokes with the child-like giggle that Jesper had grown to love. He possessed a certain innocence to him that Jesper wished he saw in himself, a virtuous demeanor that made one think that he had not truly seen the horrors and blackened sins of the world like there was always something good happening somewhere. Jesper didn't know where it came from, but he wished he had it as well.

            Kuwei had an air of pleasantness. Being around him made Jesper feel giddy and foolish, like a little schoolboy with a crush. It didn't go deeper than that. Kuwei lacked...something, and Jesper couldn't quite put his finger on it. Sure, being physical with him was the most indulgent thing he could think to do in a time of emotional crisis. It was nice to wake up next to someone – anyone, for that matter. It wasn't that he was using Kuwei, per say, but there was something about making a person smile as soon as they awake from a slumber that could cover the dark hole in your heart for the rest of the day.

            The issue was Wylan, really. Or maybe the issue was the relationship itself and Jesper was looking for someone to blame other than himself for getting into this. Wylan avoided him nowadays; he could hardly hold proper eye contact without going white in the face. Jesper and Kuwei usually took their business to Kuwei's apartment, but there were times where it was much more convenient to meet up in Jesper's.

            Jesper desperately wanted to know what Wylan thought about the whole thing. Why? Lord knows, and Jesper sure didn't. How would he bring it up without seeming like Wylan's opinion had a genuine say in the matter? Did it? Eventually, Jesper started avoiding Wylan as well. He went the extra mile to figure out an outline of Wylan's schedule, and make sure they wouldn't cross paths when they were home at the same time.

            "What does it matter what Wylan thinks?" Nina asked Jesper, slinking through the rows and rows of clearance clothing, her arm practically bulging from the weight of outfits on her arm.

            "It doesn't," Jesper said, checking the price for a pair of lime green checkered slacks.

            "It doesn't sound that way," Nina sang, waving her finger knowingly. "I get it, though. Wylan's your friend, his opinion is important to you."

            "'Friend' is a strong word. He's just my flatmate."

            Nina cocked an incredulous eyebrow, emitting a low whistle from her red-painted lips. "So that's what you call it," she muttered.

            "Call what?"

            "Will this fit me?" Nina held up a plush pastel sweater that was cinched in the waist.

            "Through sheer determination, yes, but I think you can swing it. Stop changing the subject. Wylan and I only hang with its convenient, when we're both home and both bored. I wouldn't call that friendship, exactly."

            "Jesper, if I know anything about friendship, it's that the idea is not based on how often you spend time together. How many times has Wylan covered your butt whenever you fall short?"

            Fall short. The words stung but if anyone knew more about how disappointing Jesper could be, it was Nina and his other close friends. "More times than I can count."

            "And how many times have you had to suffer through Wylan's insufferable grump moods?"

            "A lot, but I'm not sure that counts as going out of my way to be nice. I just ignore him. He does...a lot more for me than I do for him."