Ketterdam University

{three}

Jesper couldn't help but hopelessly stress about his outburst towards Kaz that occurred six days ago. Kaz hadn't done anything to reach out to him in any way, which was normal by Kaz's standards, but it still sat wrong with Jesper's nerves.

Nevertheless, he urged himself to busy himself with his job, studying, and playing first-person shooter games as best he could. For a few days, that's all he did. He saw Wylan sometimes, inches away from his laptop screen on the table or the couch, or eating in the kitchen. They had their occasional squabbles from time to time, usually ending in one of Jesper's sly innuendos and Wylan turning an unearthly shade of red. Jesper didn't know why he was compelled to flirt with Wylan relentlessly. Probably because it drove Wylan up a wall, and it fed Jesper's hunger for a reaction.

Jesper was proud of himself for one thing, and that was the fact that he hadn't visited a single bar or casino since moving in with Van Eck. The thought was always there, the need for adrenaline. But who needed thrill when anxiety and panic alone could shoot your heart rate through the roof?

And that panic certainly didn't get any better when Kaz Brekker showed up on his doorstep at nine o'clock at night.

"Hey," Kaz said, leaning on his cane. He didn't look apologetic, but Jesper knew he never let himself express his emotions through his face.

Kaz was wearing a winter coat and a red scarf, his hair less polished than it had been at the café. His face, which was usually pale, was rosy in the cheeks from the cold, the scar on his lip popping out more than normal.

Jesper really wished Wylan was home – where was that kid, anyway? – so that he had an excuse to decline whatever Kaz wanted. He had more discipline when other people were around.

"Kaz," Jesper said stupidly. He made no move to open the door any further.

"That is my name," Kaz confirmed. "Are...are you going to let me in or are you going to let me freeze out here." Jesper realized it wasn't a question.

Every cell in his brain was screaming at him to slam the door in Kaz's face, but before he could truly decide, his hospitable nature took over, and he gestured for Kaz to enter.

Kaz rounded the kitchen table and took a seat, scanning the apartment with unreadable eyes.

Jesper set himself on the edge of the table, knowing that if he sat directly across the table from Kaz, things would end up like they did at the café, or worse.

"What do you want, Kaz?" Jesper asked.

Kaz looked bored like he had been sitting at the table for hours. He heaved in a tired breath and looked at Jesper square in the face. "I'm sorry."

Jesper waited. Surely that couldn't be all that he had to say, not through all the strife he's caused Jesper. Kaz looked completely satisfied with his words, and he leaned back in his chair, looking expectant.

Jesper blinked and let out a dry laugh. "Am I supposed to be impressed?"

Kaz's lips set in a firm line. "Isn't that what you wanted me to say?"

Frustration flamed under Jesper's skin. "I don't want you to apologize to me, Kaz. I want you to realize all the crap you've put me and the others through, and do something about it. Words mean nothing at this point."

"The others?"

"Me, Wylan, Nina, Inej?" He said her name with meaning, hoping it would land. Unfortunately, it only made Kaz angry.