Gym Class Sorrow [Book 2]

You'll Be The End Of Me

Chris's P.O.V.

These past few weeks have been a cathartic release for me. Tate comes over everyday before and after work. I know Richard is concerned about about my intentions, but Tate and I are just fooling around. He doesn't love me. He couldn't possibly. No one can except Jess.

Even though I've found a way to be okay again with Tate, I know that he can't measure up to Jesse. His sandy blond hair will never be the shade of dark brown I love and his brown eyes will never be the ocean blue that drowns me. He can't cook,clean,laugh or love like Jesse and it hurts to be constantly reminded of that.

On the other hand...I like the pain. If I'm going to hell for not saving Jess, then I may as well have fun on the way. Tate tries so hard to be there for me but he doesn't realize he's not even in the running. No one is. It's nothing personal. I just don't like him. He's fun to fool around with but I don't want something serious.

I think Richard picked up on my intentions the last time he was here. I didn't mean for it to happen. Honest. However, it did. My best friend ran into my rebound. I wasn't able to see for myself how he reacted but Tate said enough. He told me of Richards confusion and then later that week while on a "date" with Tate, I saw Richard and Karim outside the restaurant we were in. Richard never saw me, but Karim did. He gave me a quick disapproving look, that a father would give a son, then steered Richard away from the restaurant before he could see.

I don't like Karim either. I'm sure Richard knows why. No,it's not because he's Muslim. The man isn't a practicing Muslim anyway. It's because of the way he looks. He's Jesse's mirror. They're exactly alike, except Karim has deep olive toned skin. However,the look is simile enough to cause discourse between us.

I'm actually on my way to meet with Karim right now. Lord help me. I guess I shouldn't ask for prayer yet though because Richard will be there. Karim probably told him about the restaurant. Just my luck. I really don't want to discuss Tate with them. What I do to him is none of their business. I should be allowed to have fun. Tate makes me happy. I don't love him. I can't love him. I can't love anyone because the only one I love is Jesse Young. He is the beginning and the end of me. No young sandy haired blond guy is going to change that.

Because I am not in love with Tate Silverman.
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2 chapters in one day🙌🙌