Gym Class Sorrow [Book 2]

Somedays I Don't Know If I'm Alright

Chris's P.O.V

"Chris!" the booming voice of my boss cut through my thoughts. "Chris, you've been staring off into space for the last hour, we're losing money!" he called from across the hall. I rolled my eyes, but never-the-less typed faster. I work for the accounting department of a small company now, I just couldn't take working at the school anymore, passing by Jesse's classroom and knowing he would never be there. Richard was shocked when I let it slip at his wedding that I was resigning to be an accountant.

A year ago I never thought I would be in this position. I feel so alone. Richard got married a few months ago and now he barely ever comes around. I know he still cares, but he has a husband to take care of now. It seems everyone is moving on with their lives but me. I'm just stuck. Stuck in a slow moving nothingness, being swallowed slowly by a dark void. I wish I could have just one more day with Jesse.

"....so as I was saying, I'm going to need you to help me out." my boss finished. He had wandered into my office sometime during my pity party and made no effort to alert me of his arrival, as per usual. He was saying something about training a rookie. I'm not really the best worker here and I always show up late, so I don't see why he'd want me to help. "Um sir, if you don't mind me asking, why do you need me to show this guy around?" I folded my hands under my chin and looked at him. "Let's take a walk Chris." he laid his hand on my shoulder and his look softened. This sucks.

*Time Skip*

I followed him outside to the garden that's just to the south of our building. "I know you haven't been yourself lately but I need you on board with this. I need your head in the game. We all have to do things we don't want to do." he said turning to face me. I could feel tears start to brim my eyes, he was going to fire me. I wasn't ready for this conversation. Even though I acted like I didn't care about this job, I really did need it. "My wife died about 10 years ago...it's hard and it takes time but I eventually found a woman that makes me happy...don't you think you should move on and be happy?" he asked. I could literally feel my face go blank. How in the literal hell, did he know?

I blinked at him. The tears were already in my eyes and they weren't leaving. I loved Jesse, and I still do. My boss saw the change in my attitude and laid his other hand on my other shoulder. "I could tell you lost someone dear to you. You always stare out of the window and rub your ring finger. Whoever she was, I'm sure she was lucky. Chris, maybe you should go home today and think about what I said and come back tomorrow with a fresh mind." his eyes softened as he spoke. "O-okay." I stammered keeping my eyes on my shoes. It hurt so much to speak of being happy when I knew my happiness laid in Jesse.

*Time Skip*

I never felt more alone than when I was in the car by myself. Jesse always loved going for car rides with me. Sometimes when I look out of the corner of my eye, it's like I can still see him there. His brown hair is shining in the sun and his laughter fills the car, but the cruelness of reality grabs me again and I know he's gone.

Today was one of the days when his ghost followed me everywhere. Metaphorically speaking anyway. He wasn't here in ghost form or real form, and I don't know which hurt me more at times. The fact he didn't love me enough to stay or the fact that he didn't even want to haunt me. Prick. He should've known I'd spend my days crying, hell that I'd spend 4 years crying. The worst part of it all is...I can't stop crying. I'm drunk on Jesse. He's my drug of choice and now I have to go through the withdrawal.

As I made this revelation, I pulled up to my apartment and sighed as I slid the key from the ignition. I figured tonight would be another one spent alone thinking of what could have been and should have been, but I spoke too soon. A hooded man approached me as soon as I got out of my car and grabbed my arm. Why me?

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AN- My cliffhangers and I are back darlings!!!!!! Next chapter will be up in a few days.