Hells Loss (sequel to Falling for Hell)

Chapter 1

welcome to the sequel to Falling for Hell.
Hopefully by now you know that you need to read that first and that you have.
If not go away and read it you lil' bitch.
Let's get to the story
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It's been only 2 days since Castiel died. His funeral is decided to be on Friday. In three days I have to see the dead, lifeless body of my love. And it's my fault. I don't care what he said in that letter it is my fault and it will tear me apart for the rest of my life.
I should be there, still as a statue in a casket, not cas. This is my fault and since I'm not in there, why should i even go to the funeral, it will just destroy me more.
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I went to the funeral. I knew it was the best thing for cas, even if I put him through a lot. There weren't very many people there. A few friends, it was mainly family. Did only that many people care that cas died?
I didn't really mind it though, it was only upsetting to know that there were only that many people, but it was much easier to go up and present a speech about it. It was also easier to hide how much I hurt from it, and how much my fault it all was. Because of me, those parents aren't really parents anymore. Because of me, those aunts and uncles have one less nephew. To those people, I was just a caring friend that misses him.
Not a once shitty boyfriend.
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School hasn't been easy to deal with at all lately. The school doesn't include "My boyfriend killed himself and I need time to grieve" as an excused absence. So I went straight back to school the Monday after his funeral. In every hour there were at least 2 people asking about it, or pestering me about it. The classic, "are you okay?" Or, "how are you doing?" came up a lot throughout the week as well as people bothering me about his suicide. Many are saying I should join him, it'd be romantic. There's nothing romantic about any suicide. It's horrible. Knowing you hurt someone so much they believe their only solution was to do that, and I still can't believe that i was the one who had struck the thought into his mind.
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I'm so sorry for how short this is but it'll get there! It's just really hard to figure out how to start this all off.
I have ideas just difficulties getting to them. So hopefully, I'll be updating more and longer chapters.
Love you guys!