Hells Loss (sequel to Falling for Hell)

Chapter 4

DEAN POV
There's a ringing in my ears, my brain feels like it's going to pop out of my skull. What happened?
All I see is black, I know I'm not dead, I'm hurting, I'm not outside my body. I'm not dead, am I?
I use all of my strength to open my eyes but fail. I can feel the weakness throughout my whole body. I rest for a bit. I try and hear anything that's going on but it seems all i can hear is the loud constant ring.
I try again, this time successful.
Or am I?
I open my eyes to see me. Lying in a hospital bed. What is this?
Am I dreaming?
Am I actually dead?
What is this?
I few seconds later a nurse comes into my room with a clipboard and pen.
She looks me over and all the machines I'm hooked up to. What is she doing?
I walk over to her, noticing that I feel no more weakness or any immobility at all.
I tap her shoulder, "excuse me, miss?"
No response.
"Hello? I'm talking to you!"
Still nothing.
Out of the blue my head starts throbbing. Flashes of memories come back to me.
I see, empty beers. In my room. I see my truck dashboard and.. The road.
Then, Nothing.
I fall to the floor on my hands and knees.
I remember everything.
"How.. How can I be so stupid.."
I break into tears and curl up into a ball on the floor.
"I don't deserve to still be alive here. I'm pathetic to even try that."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It feels like I've been in here for years, even though it's only been three hours. I think I know what's going on though. One of those weird out of body experiences.
I decide to explore the hospital and see if there is anyone else in my position. I walk through halls, occasionally taping people and talking. I peep into rooms seeing who's here for what. It doesn't take me long to realize what hospital I'm at. This was the hospital cas was taken to after he...
I stop myself in mid thought and start walking back to my room. I decide to just stay there for a while. Try and see if there's something I can do.
About 20 minutes later Sam comes rushing through the doors with teary eyes. I rush over to the bed my real body is lying on.
Sam comes to a dead stop only a few steps away from the bed.
"Sam.. Please hear me."
He still stands motionless. "SAM!"
He slowly heads to the bed. Looking at me at a small distance. Until now, I hadn't realized how beaten up I really look. Cuts and bruises around my body, a cast around my arm. I have on a neck brace. And an oxygen mask. Wow, I can't believe how much this must be hurting him.
Sam grabs my still hand and falls to his knees crying. His head rests against the edge of the best while he conitues to hold onto my hand.
All I hear now is his sobbing, everything else is drowned out. Right here.
Right now.
This is the only reason I won't try this again. I don't want to put Sam through this. He is my reason to stay alive.
I don't want to hurt him.
God I hope I survive this.
I feel tears rise in my eyes and fall down my cheek. "Sam, please. Sam." Can I tell loud enough for him to hear me? I reach my arm across and place a hand on his. "Sam! DAMNIT SAMMY PLEASE! HEAR ME IM HERE." I try so hard for him to hear me.
But nothing.
I run out of the room and fall to the floor right outside. "Why am I such a fuck up?! I can die in here and I'll leave them. I'll leave Sam to deal with John. I can't do that.
The tears running down my face don't stop, all they do is increase.
"I wish cas was here."
I sit for about 15 seconds, and then feel a tap on my shoulder, and a faint, "dean?"