Hope

Chapter 10

Hopes POV
That night
What do I do? My dad didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. We didn't have the money for my stupid mistakes. For some reason I can't stop thinking about Tyler. I miss him so much. What if he's suffering, like I am. I never thought my life was going to be like this. I always thought I would grow up to be rich, and have it easy. Especially today, I've learned life is no where near easy. I want to cry again, I wonder If that feeling is ever going to go away. Not until this is all over, who am I kidding it's never going to be over.
.... Next day
"Hello Hope." One of my nurses (Mrs. Poppy) said.
"Hey pops." I said in a casual voice.
"How are you feeling?" She asked
"I'm okay, uh-how's my dad?" I asked
"You're dads having a hard time, he trying to figure out a financial plan with our associates, for your cancer, and your...felony..." she said sadly.
"Well when you put it that way.." I started.
"Hey sweetheart, I understand." She said. Hold up, she what.
"You do?" I asked, truly curious. These past couple weeks, Nobody has been understanding me, I haven't even completely understood me and my actions.
"You are going through a lot Hope, you're having trouble coping." She said. If only she knew, I was just a complete bitch.
"No, I'm just a bitch." I scoffed.
"Don't say that Hope. Even if you've made mistakes in the past, and were quote on quote a 'bitch', it's never to late to change, and become a better person." She said. That's a first, not many people have been trying to give me advice. I don't blame them, I'm broken, always have been always will be.
"I know what you're thinking Hope. Stop thinking about that, you're family will always love you know matter what. Prove it to them. I know you can." she smiled.
"Thanks pops, but my mom is in a coma, my ex boyfriend attempted suicide 'cause of me, and don't even get me started about my dad-"I sighed, but she interrupted.
"You can fix most of those problems, you're a smart girl. Figure it out." She sounded like my mom. I smiled at the thought of my mom, I truly missed her.
"Thanks." I smiled. Maybe it's time to take action. Stop feeling sorry for myself, and do something about it.
"No prob, but I came in here because we need a final decision."she sighed. Oh god, the decision. I have to face my dad too.
"Oh ya, uh-" I started to sweat.
"Hey don't worry, I'll be there the whole time, I'll help you with your decision." She said. Literally, my decision could kill me.
"Ok, but I'm sweating bullets." I said. she laughed, and I smiled. Maybe the worlds better without me, I think my decision is smart. But what if my approach is the right one, but I'm only trying to make things right. I deserve this.
......
"Okay, Hope. Maybe you could give us an idea what you might want." They asked.
"Yes, I do." I started. "Don't do anything." I stated simply.
"Uh-what?" They asked.
"If you let me die, my dad will have the money to help my mom after she wakes up. And he could pay for my 'felony' too. Plus, one less problem." I said.
No one knew what to say, so my dad spoke up.
"I think we will start chemo. When will it begin?" He asked.
"Two weeks." One of the nurses said. Pops was looking at me with sadness.
"Dad, I've already made my decision." I said.
"Hope, I'm getting you a therapist. This is basically suicide." he stated.
"What?! I'm helping you financially. No one likes me anyway." I said.
"What is this Hope? An act of attention? We love you know matter what. Even if you murdered someone we would still love you. We care about you and your brothers more than anything." He said.
"I don't want a therapist dad. I don't need one, I'm done here." I was about to walk away, when pops grabbed my arm.
"You're not leaving like last time Hope. You are not a horrible person. Remember when I said the past is in the past? Leave it there. Okay? It's time to forgive and forget. Darling, you have a disease that needs to be treated. It's time to get what you need, if that's a therapist, talking to your dad, or a friend, whatever, but you need to work with us, or you will die, and that doesn't make anything better." she said. Her words clicked in my mind. The past is in the past, it's never to late. Hope, you need to change. Get a therapist, help yourself to become a better person.
"Okay, I'll accept the therapist...and chemo." I smiled.( It actually took me along time to get the words out, but I did.) Maybe this is it. This is where I work on my problems to forgetting the past, to forgetting the things I've dealt with, and to accept the help I'm given to do so. This is what mom would want for me, even though I was always a bitch and never told her anything, this is what she would've wanted. For all of my thoughts to come out,for me to be happy.This is where I become a better, Hope Macintosh.