Hope

Chapter 13

Hopes POV
I think I'm dying. I haven't spoken since I got the news yesterday. Their giving me some time off from work and therapy, so I can 'have some time to grieve'. I might need my whole life to finally be halfway 'okay'. Whatever, I'm all depressed again but ten times worse, and it's getting kinda repetitive.
"Hope, I brought you some breakfast." Baylinn kind of looked like me. I obviously looked worse, but she was up there on the 'hell' scale.
"Not hungry." I looked at the ceiling.
"Mean either." Baylinn threw the food away, and was laying on the bed next to me, looking at the ceiling also.
"I feel like shit." Baylinn stated, in a very blank voice.
"Feelings mutual." I stated.
"What are we gonna do?" She asked.
"Don't ask me. I'm always wrong." I said.
"I'm gonna take a nap." I simply nodded, saying 'same'. We never looked at each other once.
........
"Get up Hope. You're going to therapy." I heard pops talking to me, I fluttered my wet eyes open.
"No." I said bluntly.
"Yes, you are. I'm not giving up on you. Not when you're like this. But, I wanna know what I taught you. So I'm gonna give you a choice. Choice 1, sit in bed, get no better, continue your sadness.
Or choice 2, get better, stronger. Go to therapy. Get help, Hope. What's it gonna be." She asked.
"Choice 1, goodnight." I pulled the covers over my head, a tear streaming down my cheek. I cried all of last night and this morning,what did Poppy expect?
"Fine. You're choice is up to you, goodbye. But you know where the therapy room is." And with that she left. Therapy? No way... Or so I thought. My whole mission is to get better, to help my self. But not to mention the cancer. I start chemo tomorrow. Damn it I forgot. Just great.
I decided not to go to therapy today. I'm really depressed, and it's only gonna get worse tomorrow...
......
THE NEXT DAY
"Hello Hope." The nurse smiled putting an IV in my arm. I was used to it by now.
"Chemo is a very serious process Hope. And the side effects can get pretty bad. The first few months are the worst, then you'll start to get used to it." She said. Months.
"Okay." I said, looking at the ground.
"Hey, I know you've been through a lot, but you need to be strong. Chemo takes a toll out of you. You will need it 3 times a week, and it could change often." She said.
"Okay." I said again.
"Okay? Hope, seriously, this process is serious." She said sounding desperate.
"I don't care if I die." I said.
"You were doing so well for a day, you were doing so good. You worked your butt off at work, and I heard you and Luke made up. Those are goals you are continuing to achieve. Keep going Hope, I've heard many kids like you say the things you just said. But they kept going, you know you are very strong Hope. I've realized that about you. You underestimate yourself, but you are one tough chick." She said.
"Thanks." I slightly smiled. She's right, when are these nurses not right? They are so smart, and they have great advice. I need to be strong for my mom now. It will be hard for me to get through Tyler's death, but I've been through the process before, only this time I'll do it right. Maybe in the end I'll be happy.
"No prob Hope, now let's start chemo." She said...
..........
I've been throwing up for the past 5 hours. This would be hard to get used to. My dad came in to see how I was doing.
"Hi Honey, how are you?" He asked sympathetically.
"I'm not okay. I feel nauseous." I stated pouting.
"Just lay in bed it'll get better...You know, you have been taking what happened really well.." He said. A tear slipped down my cheek.
"I'm trying to be strong dad. I'm really trying. I'm gonna be happy one day, I can see it." I smiled.
"I know you will sweetie." he looked sad.
"I love you so much dad." I said.
"Love you more Hope." He kissed me and left. I finally felt 'ok'. So I started to watch tv and relax.
"Knock,knock." Baylinn came in.
"Oh god, it smells." She said.
"Sorry, I started chemo today." I smiled.
"That explains it." She laughed. It looked like she had also been doing 'well'.
"How you been." I asked. She shrugged.
"Ya same." I said.
"I've been in therapy.. And I think it's working.. I mean it'll take time.. But..." She said.
"Really? I don't think I'm ready to get out of bed." I said.
"Come on! Hope, go to therapy. It'll help." She said.
"My dad didn't sign me up for my private classes yet, and I don't wanna tell everyone about my problems in cancer therapy classes." I said.
"Maybe that'll help you. I don't know, maybe someone has a similar story." She said. She had a point.
"I don't know Bay.." I said quietly.
"You know your tempers better, weeks ago you would be screaming at me." she laughed.
"Progress." I said.
"Yup, so I'll see you later?" She said. I nodded and smiled. I've been thinking about what Baylinn said. Should I? You know, go see Luke and everyone, and tell them what happened. Ug, a clump of my hair fell out just now. That made me realize, I need a wig soon. Or should I embrace my baldness, just weeks ago there would be no question. I would most definitely get a wig. Okay, back on to the important stuff. Maybe I should keep Baylinn's offer on the table?