cinema [h.s.]

chapter five.

august 26, 2020.

Rory and I nearly kissed last night. Kissed. And I don't have the words to explain how I feel now or how I felt in that moment.

Feeling her breath on my lips, and her chest against mine, my body was on fire. I felt like I had no control.

Her words took me by surprise. They keep roaming about in my head, eating me alive.

I'm too high maintenance for you.

That's what she told me. I couldn't comprehend it.

When I got in my car last night after telling Rory goodbye, I called Jeff in a panic. I couldn't breathe. My chest felt like it was caving in on me and my throat felt like It was closing.

I was having a panic attack. A panic attack. I haven't had one of those in years. I'd been doing so well with my anxiety and calming myself down. But, for some reason, last night, I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried.

It took Jeff thirty minutes to snap me back to reality. I was so in my head, I hadn't realized I drove the opposite way of my house. I had no clue where I was, or how I had ended up there.

It was like I had blacked out. Blacked out from how Rory made me feel.

My thoughts are, she's scared. Scared i'll hurt her the same way her ex did. I'm not sure of the type of person he was, and still is. All I know is that he isn't in Ivy's life, and never has been.

I don't blame Rory for being scared. Hell! I'm terrified myself. I just hope our talk goes well today. I need her to see that I'm all in. But, only if she is too.

Rory texted me ten minutes ago, saying Ivy had been picked up by her friend Mila and that I could come over at any time.

So that's where I am now. Standing outside her front door, hesitating to knock because part of me is scared to hear what she has to say.

Before I get the chance to knock, Rory's opening the door with her brows furrowed.

"Why've you just been standing here?" She asks with a slight chuckle, my cheeks blush a dark crimson, and I run my hand over the back of my neck trying to come up with a plausible answer.

"Um- I don't know?" I respond, it coming out as more of a question. I mentally palm myself. What the fuck was that Harry? God!

"Well, please come in. It's hotter than the desert out here!" Rory scoffs playfully, stepping to the side to let me in.

I slide my shoes off, before awkwardly standing in her entryway, picking at my nails and twisting the rings on my fingers.

"I meant to ask you how the meeting went yesterday." Rory speaks softly, patting the spot next to her on the couch for me sit.

"What?" I furrow my brows. Rory looks at me with a confused look on her face.

"The meeting you had with your publicist yesterday? How did that go?"