cinema [h.s.]

chapter forty one.

⚠️ TW: MENTIONS OF DEATH AND TALKS OF HEALTH AND HOSPITALS

April 3, 2021.

13 weeks and two days pregnant.

PRESENT TIME.

My mom passed away last night.

And I wasn't there.

She passed away and I didn't get to hear her mumble her last words or tell her that I love her. I didn't get to hold her hand as she took her last breath and I wasn't there to make sure she was comfortable as she passed.

I didn't get to do anything.

With the move, Harry and I were more than a little stressed. So, instead of unpacking the remaining boxes, Harry suggested that we take a break and go out on a date, just the two of us.

I wasn't opposed to the idea last night. Solely because I was fucking starving and was tired of eating in at home. Plus, the baby wanted steak and she always gets what she wants.

But if you were to ask me how I felt about going now, I'd tell you I regret every second that I was away from my mom.

After I had agreed on going out to eat, I texted Mila about coming over to watch Ivy and keep an eye on my mom and she had happily obliged.

Now I wish she hadn't. I wish we hadn't found a sitter for Ivy because then we wouldn't have gone and there's a slight chance my mom could still be here.

I don't blame Mila, by all means, but I watched my mother like a hawk and maybe I could've caught what happened earlier on and she wouldn't have passed away.

After I had gotten an answer from Mila, Harry and I took a quick shower together and then got dressed. We were out the door in less than thirty minutes.

TEN HOURS EARLIER.

"My mom is due for her night time medication at 8:30. She'll try and say she took it when she actually didn't, so you have to watch her. Oh! And make sure she keeps her oxygen on. She likes to take it off because she thinks she doesn't need it." I let out a shaky breath and relax my shoulders.

Going through the list of my moms night time routine is mentally exhausting. She's so stubborn and thinks she's strong enough to be independent when in reality, she's getting weaker every day.

Yesterday she could barely stand without Harry helping her stay upright. The doctors think that by May, she'll be completely wheelchair and bed bound.

"Ro, breathe." Mila says calmly, "I've got it. You left a list on the counter right?"

I nod and bite my lip, peaking over Mila's shoulder to make sure my mom hasn't tried to move from her spot on the bed.

We have her in the guest bedroom on the bottom floor so that it's easier for her home nurses to access and assist her. The stairs are too much for her to climb and we're scared she may fall if we were to put her on the second floor.