cinema [h.s.]

chapter forty six.

I know I promised this would a be a double update, but I am still slowly working on 47 and didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer. I'm sorry for the cliffhanger, but I'm hoping to have 47 out later this week.

I'm slowly working through my writers block and promise to have the next chapter out in no time. Xo

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May 11, 2021.

I woke up earlier today than I usually do.

Ivy and I typically get out of bed around seven and make breakfast together before Rory wakes up. This morning though, I woke up at the crack of dawn and couldn't go back to sleep.

My anxiety has been eating me alive the past few days. Rory has her twenty week anatomy scan in a few weeks time and I hate to admit it, but I'm scared.

All I can think about are the what ifs. I went down a deep hole on the internet of all the possible diagnoses we could hear and that just made all of the anxiety and worry I've been feeling ten times worse.

The last time I felt like this was before Rory and I's first appointment where we got to the see the baby. I haven't gone through anything like this before so I know what I feel is valid, but I still feel guilty.

I haven't told Rory about how I've been feeling, solely because I know she has to feel the same way and I don't want to overwhelm her with so many different emotions.

Comfort and reassurance is something I could desperately use right now but, I know Rory needs it more than I do. She's the one carrying our baby and she's the one that has to go through all of the extensive testing. I've been told that my only job will be to keep her calm during the scan. So that's what i'm going to do.

Deciding I need a breath of fresh air before Ivy wakes up, I pull myself up off the corner sofa by the window and grab my car keys.

I slide on my house shoes and walk out into the garage, hopping in my car and turning the key in the ignition. I sit there in silence for a few seconds, taking a few deep breaths to calm my heart rate.

I've spoken to my mum and Drew about the anxiety that's been burning a hole in my chest. Both of them said the same thing; that I need to tell Rory before it turns into another fight.

I plan to tell her and I want to tell her, It's just a matter of convincing myself that I shouldn't feel guilty for coming to her.

I used to go to Mila with my worries and fears, but after Rory and I's last big fight, she hasn't been the same with me. She's distant when she comes over and her tone of voice towards me is cold.

Talking to her would most likely fix whatever grudge she's been holding against me, but I really don't have the mental capacity to deal with it all right now.