Withering Head Wounds - Soudam

The Quiet Promise

"So uh...how have you been this past week?" Kazuichi awkwardly spoke up, trying to break the silence. He didn't know what to say or what to do, just sitting next to Gundham on his bed. He was already regretting inviting him over in the first place, but now it was obviously too late to send him home. Even if he did, he'd just get sad about being lonely again.
Gundham crossed over his arms, shrugging slightly. "Admittedly rather tired. I have not been able to sleep probably, though I'm not sure why. Other than that, I'm fine." Which was the truth in a general sense. He was also dangerously jealous and lonely without Kazuichi, but chose not to say so. "How about you? You do seem to be a lot more excited these past few days."
Kazuichi raised his brows at the question, a small smile making its way across his lips as he thought back to the past week. It had truly been the best week he had had for a long while. He assumed it was fine to talk about it, after all, Gundham didn't show any sort of signs of jealousy when he expressed his sadness over the situation. Kazuichi sighed softly as he gazed down and the bedsheets, absentmindedly fiddling with his fingers. "Yeah...this week has been pretty good up until now. I missed Fuyuhiko heaps, and spending time with him just makes me feel a million times better." He replied, letting out a soft chuckle. "I'm lucky to have a friend like him. Wouldn't trade him for the world." He continued on, laying back in his bed and staring at the ceiling. "But now he's gone for god knows how long...I dunno what I'm gonna do without him..." he sighed, wrapping his arms around a random pillow and turning onto his side.

Gundham could've punched a wall hearing that.

What could Fuyuhiko possibly do for Kazuichi that he couldn't? He didn't understand how a boy like that could be better than him in any way. Nevertheless, Gundham only nodded, hiding any trace of rage inside him as to not make Kazuichi feel any worse.
He shuffled himself over to sit directly next to Kazuichi, holding his legs and staring down at him. "I suspect you spend a significant amount of time with him." Gundham noted, wishing he could mean the same to the mechanic. "Perhaps you are to simply...build an identity without him. I know you're quite a social person so alone time wouldn't be incredibly beneficial, but why not make new friends? What about the other classes?"
"I guess I could, it's just not the same." Kazuichi frowned, tightening his grasp around the pillow he was holding. "I mean, he's always been there for me! I just don't think I can get to that level of closeness with anyone else." He replied, burying his head in the pillow. "I just hope he's okay..." he mumbled out, feeling the tears threatening to fall again. "I don't know what I'd do if he doesn't end up coming back." He added, before finally pulling back a little to turn himself on the other side so that he could face the breeder. "What do you do? Y'know, now that Sonia's gone?" He asked, praying that it would never come to a point where Fuyuhiko would be gone for good. He just needed some tips from a loner like Gundham. How the hell does he cope with having no friends?!
Gundham paused, taking a moment. "...I do as I did before I befriended her." He knew it was rather pathetic, but he honestly didn't know what else to do with himself. "I occupy myself with my duties and do not dwell on a lack of human connection. Everything that speaks will always betray you in the end, so I am content with my silence and indifference." He wasn't sure if that was really true. He'd spent most of his life speaking with nothing but his mother and his animals, he just didn't allow himself loneliness. Deep down, he knew he was incredibly alienated, but there wasn't much he could do about it. Gundham just wasn't someone who attracted friends, and he'd learnt that he didn't overly mind that.
"Perhaps you are not used to solitude." The breeder suggested, staring down at Kazuichi. "You must be used to having yourself surrounded by other mortals, so it must be difficult for you to fend for yourself."

Kazuichi furrowed his brows at that response. Sure, he himself had trust issues, but he didn't think that every single human being would betray him. And even if he did think that way, he wouldn't have it stuck in the back of his mind. That seems like a terrible way to live. If Kazuichi always thought everyone wanted to hurt him, then he wouldn't have made any friends, or even allowed himself to grow close to people. Yes, he was wary, but that didn't mean he distrusted everyone. "If you feel that way then why are you even hanging out with me right now?" He asked. He knew of Gundham's feelings towards him—not the intensity of course, but he knew that they were there—but if that's the way he viewed everyone he simply didn't understand why he'd even have crushes in the first place.
Gundham was silent for a while. He didn't want to admit he did desire friends. He didn't want to admit that loneliness was a weakness of his. But he did want Kazuichi. "...I want to trust you, Souda." He never quite knew why he fell in love with him in the first place. A part of him suspected that Kazuichi fit so perfectly into his delusions that he couldn't help but grow attached. Whatever the reason, he knew that he trusted the mechanic more than any other human alive. He truly believed he could do no wrong. "...I meant it when I described you as an angel. I don't know why I trust you, but I do. A large part of me prays that you are different to other mortals, because you have already shown that you are. You could make a marvellous addition to the empire."
Kazuichi just seemed to frown, his words making him feel shitty about the way he had been treating him recently. All Gundham wanted to do was get closer to him and he just continuously kept pushing him away. He knew the breeder had no bad intentions, he was just some weirdo with strange delusions, but chances were that he wouldn't even hurt a fly. Kazuichi just didn't know how to go about being with him or how to deal with any of these feelings. Regardless, a blush coated Kazuichi's cheeks. Gundham truly was a sweet person, albeit, the way he expressed those sweet words were confusing. "What do you mean 'a marvellous addition to the empire'?" Sure, he knew about his whole 'Tanaka Empire' thing, but what were the requirements to join? Was he saying he wanted to date him, or was he saying he just wanted them closer? He really didn't understand his weird phrasing most of the time, but nevertheless, the thought behind his words were still sweet.
Kazuichi supposed he didn't need an answer, nor did he really want one. He didn't want to have to deal with hurting Gundham once again with rejection. Before the boy got the chance to reply, he moved one of his hands to the others cheek, before fluttering his eyes shut and pressing a light kiss to his lips. That idiot sure did know how to use his words...