two weirdos and their nighttime meetups (DISCONTINUED)

5.

CHAPTER FIVE
-
A PEEK INTO HIS BRAIN

Akutagawa doesn't understand many things; he doesn't get why his younger sister will drop whatever she was doing just to pet a cat she spotted on the street, what that bakery worker returned his wallet full of thousands of bills instead of keeping it all for herself, he doesn't understand how he was inferior to Sakunosuke Oda: a low ranking mafioso, and he doesn't understand how the inexperienced man-tiger was someone who was even worthy of Dazai's praise.

The lone wolf understands that he cannot know everything, that's simply not how the world works. Yet that understanding does not decrease his frustration with his lack of knowledge. Even when he tries to seek out answers, every answer doesn't make sense.

...

"Why do I like petting the cats?" Gin repeated the question her brother asked her in confusion.

"Yes," Akutagawa confirmed that was the question he was asking.

Gin took a few moments to think of an answer before saying, "Because I enjoy petting them, the cats are cute and soft. There is usually no harm in taking a few seconds to pet them."

...

"Why?" The black-haired man asked the (hair colour) woman "You could have taken the wallet for yourself, kept the money for yourself. Why return it after my incompetence allowed me to lose it?"

In Akutagawa's eyes, he said no lie; he failed to keep his wallet in his big pockets and the bakery worker easily could have taken the wallet for herself as there were no cameras or anyone else around to call her out.

He could see that just like Gin, she considered what he just said and thought about her answer. (Akutagawa did miss how for a brief moment she looks at him in pure shock at what he said.)

"I think...I did it because it felt like the right thing to do?" Her voice was so soft yet it was just loud enough for the mafioso in front of her to hear, it gave him a fleeting thought of her becoming a Port Mafia messenger as many messengers have issues with being too loud and having others hear the Mafia's plans. He quickly threw this thought away though, she was just some random girl who worked at a bakery; not a member of the mafia.

The silent dog didn't show it in front of her, yet he wasn't satisfied with that answer. What even is the "right thing to do"? she could have taken his wallet and done many things that would have been considered the "right thing to do". She could have taken his wallet and given the money to kids who were stuck in the slums just like he once was, that would be considered a good thing right?

Once Akutagawa left the bakery he sighed, none of these answers made sense.

-

"Yo Akutagawa!" Akutagawa stopped thinking of those things and focused back on the loud person wearing a Paperbag on their head calling out to him.

His sharp grey eyes stared at the holes in the mask covered with black fabric before replying with a simple 'Hm'.

"Do you have something you want to..." They paused for a moment trying to find the perfect word "talk about? or to like get off your chest? Wait those mean the same thing I think-"

The same confusion Akutagawa was dealing with earlier came all back once he processed what they had asked. Why were they so nice to him? They continued to hang out with him despite him accusing them of being an assassin, they gave him a genuine apology that felt so pleasant to hear, they offer him chances to talk about his weak and pathetic emotions, and they treated him as more than the Port Mafia's dog.

Akutagawa felt more than confusion though, he felt hesitant to discuss the things that weighed on his mind. He never has done such things before; he never wanted to tell Gin his worries as it was only his burden to carry, he couldn't distract her from her career. He most definitely couldn't tell his old mentor, Dazai-san saw such feelings as weak and Akutagawa couldn't be seen as any more than he already is. And Akutagawa would rather be around the man-tiger than tell Higuchi his feelings. How does anyone even tell someone else about those feelings?

"How do I talk about those emotions?" Akutagawa asked instead of answering the question.

"Uh" Their lack of preparation for this was obvious "I guess you just say whatever is on your mind. Remember you only say whatever you're comfortable with ok? You don't need to tell me something if you don't want to."

Akutagawa stayed silent which made their pit of anxiety increase, they were about to apologise for trying to make Akutagawa talk about something he wasn't fond of but Akutagawa spoke before they could even mutter out their words.

"There is a man whose approval I must get." Akutagawa was hesitant to share, hell he didn't even know why he was opening up to them like this.

Just thinking about Dazai-san made his heartache. Dazai-san was never satisfied with Akutagawa's skills and Akutagawa would never say it out loud; he hated how Dazai-san trained him. He would always put Akutagawa in dangerous situations just so his ability would act up and protect him, his methods may have been successful but why couldn't Dazai-san train him like the other mentors?

When Dazai-san first left when he was 16, he searched for his mentor throughout all of Yokohoma unaware of the reason for his disappearance. He has done things in hopes of finally having the bandaged man notice him, but all of them have failed.

Not too long ago after years of looking for his mentor, he appeared. He showed up as part of the enemy and protecting his new weak subordinate who quickly earned the praise Akutagawa was trying to earn for years. That pathetic man-tiger wasn't as skilled or experienced as him yet he earned Dazai-san's praise, it was an insult to all the efforts Akutagawa has made to earn it.

"But no matter how hard I try, I am unable to earn his approval. Yet others who are not as strong easily earn it." Akutagawa wanted to say more, but he shouldn't he barely knew this person.

"I'm not sure what approval you are tryna get but whatever it is I'll let you know that you always have my approval!" Paperbag head stated placing their hand on their grey sweater right over where their heart would be "And whoever refuses to give you their approval is stupid and blind!"

Akutagawa's goal wasn't to earn this person's approval, yet for some odd reason, this approval was causing a small smile to form on his lips.

END OF CHAPTER FIVE

A/N: the like entire ending scene is so ooc but bro it would have been kinda embarassing if he was like, "fuck no you stupid useless weirdo, i don't know your stupjd paper bag goofy ass-"  wearing like aint no way thats the man youre supposed to end up with.

also i hope that like im somewhat keeping this man in character and im hoping you guys feel for him. he had a stinky man who barely showered abusive him. like whenever he would punch akutagawa all akutagawa can focus on is the dandruf flying away from dazai's hair-