I Like You Lots (Steddie)

Prologue

I've always seemed to be the odd one out in all my friend groups. Since I was a kid there always felt something off about the way I looked at myself. My clothes never fit right, or they were too tight. I didn't like who I was looking at in the mirror anymore. I could see my features changing, and it just wasn't me I was seeing in that mirror. It was like I was looking at a stranger. It was like who I was on the inside never matched my outside and I couldn't figure it out.

You see, I wasn't ever meant to have the body I used to have. I wasn't meant to be feminine. I wasn't meant to look soft, or pretty. I was meant to be a boy. And I knew from the moment I learned I could take that matter into my own hands, it was going to change. And I did make that change, quickly. I started taking testosterone. Flattening my chest down. My features squared, my muscles came in more like they should. I started to become me.

But unfortunately, in a small town everyone knows everyone else's business. Everyone constantly calling me a name I no longer recognized. Seeing me as the Munson's daughter became too much for me. So I left. I needed to bury her. I needed no one to know her anymore. I needed them to know me. The real me.

No one needed to know she ever existed.

Because to me, she never really did.

I left Indiana. Came up to Washington State. I heard it's more accepting here of people like me. Maybe I can meet some new friends. Start my life over. Get myself under control and begin living life as myself instead of some shadow.

I was more confident.

I did meet new people. Went new places. Got myself into a comfortable little studio apartment up on 'The Hill', a great queer neighborhood in Seattle. Got a job working at a little record store. Focusing on just me, music, and my new life. I finally felt as if everything was at ease.

But then, there was him.

My brain got fuzzy. My knees went weak.. Who is that? I have never in my life seen such a beautiful man.

I don't think he'll ever notice me.

Robin, one of the first people I met moving here, who is also my neighbor, says his name is Steve.  Perfect head of hair, carefully styled. Hazel eyes that could melt your heart the moment he looked at you.

Why would be be into me? Am I even worth the time? Just some small town freak. With a big secret, that I don't think I could ever bring myself to speak aloud.

Robin's the only one I have confided in. She has a small group of friends that we typically go out to brunch with on Sundays, but none of them know. I pass. For the first time in my whole life, I am living authentically as myself here, and no one's none the wiser to it.

By the way, my name's Eddie. Eddie Munson.