I Like You Lots (Steddie)

Chapter 6

A/N; long weekend of not writing is cause for inspiration. I spend 2 days on the coast and I am here to tell you, I WANNA WRITE. It might be a more than one chapter kind of day.

TW; fluffy cuteness, confusion, anxiety

After Steve left I could still feel his words whispering through my head like some sort of ghost. Was he right? I could... let him have control? Just a few hours ago I let him. His hands explored my sides and back. Pulling me where he wanted. Leaving me breathless. Empty headed. I could still feel the lingering effects of his kiss. I was buzzing from the rush. Letting him tell me what he wanted, in a wordless sort of way.

Self realization is the first step in healing right? If there's like.. by some random chance that Steve was right about me needing to let go of control for once, would that be such a bad thing?

I need control over my life. If I hadn't taken control of my own fate I would be stuck in Indiana. I would be stuck being miserable for the rest of my life. But, maybe in this one instance, here, now, I could.. let go. Let Steve take the reigns? Fuck that scares me.

There's a knock on my front door, and I am assuming it's Robin. Here to pick my brain and ask me a bunch of questions I wasn't ready to answer. But, she's gonna try to break in if I don't let her in, so I go open up.

"How long has he been gone?"

"I dunno.. maybe 2 hours or so?"

"And you HAVEN'T come and gotten me yet? What kinda best friend are you Eddie? I am HURT." She jokingly says and walks in past me to flop on my bed. "So, tell me everything."

"I dunno Rob we just talked a lot and made out. It's not really anything crazy." Yes it was. It was the most intense moment I've ever had with someone before.

"Nope. I'm not believing that. There's a look in your eye that says something else."

"What do you mean? I look normal." I come and flop down next to her, resting my hands on my stomach and looking at the ceiling.

"Well first of all you have a hickey and I don't ever see you get those and you have hooked up with a few people since I've known you.. and you usually come out unscathed. The others, not so much." I touch the side of my neck and feel a slight burn of pain. Ow. When did that happen?

"I don't know what you mean, I've gotten hickies before."

"Not since I've known you!"

"Okay sure, let's say I let him. What's the big deal?" I sigh and close my eyes. What could I possibly admit to that she isn't already assuming? "Not a big deal at all. Just different." Different? Yes, it was different. It was nice to let someone else have lead. It was nice to not have to think or guess what someone else wanted me to do. Taking the guess work out of it and completely emptying my brain. For once.

"I mean, I guess it was different. With him."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Good I think." She looks at me with a question on her face but I can't quite read what she's wanting to say. "You think it's good?"

"I mean..." I sigh again. "Hear me out. But what if I just got my brain completely rocked and I don't know how to deal with it?"

"Okay so, again, I'm wondering what the I think part of your statement means."

"I think I just let him have control over everything that was happening and I have no idea how to do that. I'm usually the one who leads. I don't let people lead me. I don't know how to deal with that." She sits up quickly, looking at me with a very serious face. "You're saying that you let him be the TOP?!" Her eyes are wide. Robin knows too much about me.