My Diary and Dark Poems

Dear diary The trauma

I remember when I was little I use to be like all the little kids I use to laugh smile cry be happy be angry be sad but that all change when I met the both of them the female was the first one she was suppose to be my cusion we play together at first it was just regular things like soccer baseball drawing playdoh but slowly I noticed changes of her we took a bath together slept in the same bed changed I remember I caught her looking at me in a weird way I didn't think much of it she asked me one day to watch a movie with her I didn't mond it I thought she was amazing when I was little we both layed in bed watching a mermaid movie when she asked me to play with her but first she needed my consent I was confused but said " yes you can have it." I wish I never did say yes i remember being confused weirded out and honestly I think I was scared I didnt like this game when I went into kindergarten a boy did the same thing but first he asked me to be his girlfriend I  never understood it he asked me a lot of times to do things just like my cusion did I honestly wish I said no just like i wish I did to her I remember one day I was crying cause of it like I am today but I never know why anymore I mean yeah I get it in 17 but back then I was 5 or 6 or 4 I don't get why I been crying cause of it anymore it happen long ago so what if you were touched and had sex it might be normal to at that age kid, why am I so angry and upset over it.