New Year's Eve and the holidays passed quietly and quickly, and soon it was time to get back to 30 Rock. I had missed the office and my co-workers, but most importantly I had missed the stage and performing. We didn't have another episode for almost two weeks, but we still wanted to get some work done and get back to the office life as slowly as possible.
«Good luck on your first day back» Jack said to me, while washing the dishes in the kitchen.
«Thanks. You sure you're gonna be fine alone?»
«I'm not eleven, I can handle myself. Bye» he smiled at me, pushing me out of my own apartment and kissing me on the forehead.
He wanted to reassure me, since I was really stressed out. My cousin was in the hospital, my nana was old, I had SNL and everything else seemed to have fallen a little bit behind, Jack included.
«Bye. Call you later.»
I went first to buy a cup of coffee, then headed to the studio.
I bought a copy of the New York Times, and read the headlines while taking the elevator, to reach the offices.
I walked to mine, saying hi to everyone I crossed paths with, and as soon as I opened the door I saw Aidy at her desk, as usual.
«Hi!» I said, hugging her.
«How are you? How were the holidays?»
«Hello!» yelled Kate, opening the door. «You can't talk without me.»
I put the newspaper on my desk and started telling them what had happened, about Jack, even Owen, everything I could remember, and they did the same, talking about their own holidays, their adventures and their wild New Year's Eve parties. We usually partied together at New Year's, but that year Aidy went down to Phoenix with Conner, and Kate was the only one who went to the SNL party at 30 Rock, since I went with Jack to Owen's.
«So, what did your parents say about Jack?» they asked, almost together, when I mentioned him.
«They loved him, which made me love him even more. He was great.»
We were about to jump to another topic, when Colin knocked on the door and told us that Lorne wanted to do the meeting as soon as possible.
We groaned, because we wanted to gossip around, but eventually got up and walked to the briefing room with everyone else.
«Happy new year to everyone, for starters» Lorne said. «Now, let's talk about the upcoming episodes and the hosts.»
As the briefing went on, I noticed my phone buzzing more than usual, until it started ringing.
«I'm so sorry» I said, muting the call.
«You should take that, it might be important» Lorne told me.
«Thanks.»
I answered the phone and started talking in the empty hallway, since everyone was at the meeting.
«Hey» I greeted my uncle.
«Hi, Cecily. It's Owen.»
I stared at nothing for what it felt like hours, after the call ended. I heard someone open the door and Kate's strong arms around my body, as I started crying.
«What happened?» she asked, seeing me overly agitated and maybe hyperventilating.
«Owen's gonna die» I muttered.
«Why do you say such things?»
«Ed just called, they can't start the treatment, they're putting him in a coma and then he's just gonna...»
«Oh, honey, I'm so sorry» she hugged me tightly.
She didn't say anything else, as she realized that I needed some time to process it all.
«Okay, so... you wait here, and then we'll go back to your office» she comforted me.
She went back in the briefing room, and Lorne came back with her.
«Cecily, I'm really sorry for your loss. You can take the week off, if you want, we don't even have rehearsals these days.»
«Uhm... no thanks. The service is gonna be only one day, I can work the rest of the week.»
«Are you sure? I know how close you were.»
«Yeah, thanks. I'm gonna go to the bathroom.»
I was still in a state that I wouldn't know how to describe. I knew what had happened, but at the same time I couldn't wrap my head around it. It seemed like the entire world would have stopped when Owen would have passed, and nothing would have ever been able to fill the void in my stomach.
«There you go.»
Kate made me sit in one of the stalls, then went to her office and came back with a glass of water.
«It's gonna be fine, okay?»
I nodded. I knew it was one of those made-up sentences, but I needed to hear that.
«I'll call someone, alright? I'll be right back.»
After about thirty minutes I went back in my office, and heard someone knock on the door.
«Come in.»
Immediately Jack was beside me, holding my hand, and comforting me.
«I'll leave you two alone.»
She closed the door and Jack made me lay on the couch, big spooning me.
«He was just too wonderful to go away this soon» I cried out. «He was only thirty.»
«I know, I know. Sometimes life just goes in ways that you could never expect, and that's okay. Wherever he is, whatever he's doing, I'm sure he's happy.»
After crying for another thirty minutes I fell asleep, exhausted from all the crying and the grieving, and when I woke up, only fifteen minutes later, Jack hadn't moved a single inch.
«I just can't believe it» I said.
«I know.»
I went to the bathroom and the meeting had just ended. Whoever I would meet would pay their condolences, but luckily none of them eventually started a conversation with me.
I washed my face and then knocked on Lorne's office door.
«Come in.»
«Hey Lorne, I just spoke with my uncle and the service is gonna be the 18th, I might not be around those days, is that okay?»
«Of course it is. Again, I'm sorry for your cousin, and if you wanna take some more time off work it's still fine by me.»
«I think that doing comedy might actually help me relieve some of my stress, so don't worry. I'll see you tomorrow.»
I stopped by Kate's office to thank her for her support, and when I came back to my office Jack handed me my coat, waiting for me to go home.
«You wanna go home or to the hospital? We could wait with everyone else»
«I'll go home. I just need to close my eyes and not think about anything, you know? I'm sure my whole family's gonna be there, they don't need me right now.»
He got up, took my hand, and walked beside me as we were leaving 30 Rock.
«I can make something for dinner, or we can stop somewhere and grab something to go.»
«I don't feel like eating.»
«Cec, you should eat. Please, do it as a favor to me.»
I agreed to stop by some random restaurant on the way over to my apartment, and I ordered only one burrito, that I never finished.
The hole I had inside wasn't something that I could just fill, it would have been a part of me from that day on, forever, and I accepted it. Owen would have been with me all the time, whether it hurt me or not, because I needed him, his smile, his reassurance, his love for others, and I was willing to take with me any kind of pain just to have something that would have reminded me of him all the time.
YOU ARE READING
UNBROKEN || Cecily Strong
Fanfiction«So... how is he?» Owen asked me, when we got a moment alone and away from all the chaos. «He's so sweet. I think I'm falling in love with him, honestly» I answered, smiling, with a cup of tea in my hand. «Good for you! Now, promise me that if I'm...
