CHICAGO, 2012
«Cecily, why didn't you put your name on the board for the audition for Saturday Night Live?» a co-founder of IO Chicago asked me, after a show.
«I don't think it'd be a good idea. I don't think I'm... ready.»
«Personally or artistically? Cause I think you'd be just fine.»
«That's very kind of you, but I'm afraid that if I audition now and blow it, I won't ever have the chance when I'm ready.»
«Listen, I promise you that you're ready enough. Think about SNL like a school: you don't have to come fully prepared, you'll grow on the job» she explained. Still not seeing me convinced, she added: «I'll put your name up for this Thursday, if you don't show up it's fine.»
I weakly smiled and quickly went home.
As soon as my body touched the couch, I felt a sense of panic through my veins. I had been watching SNL for years, it was one of the things that brought me the most joy when my parents argued over the littlest things. And because I knew how it worked, I knew that the possibilities of me getting in were very slim.
Either way, my name was still on the board, so that Thursday I showed up to the studio, and was the last one to audition in front of Charna Halpern, the woman who had put my name up.
«When you're ready.»
I started doing my impressions, my little skits, the few ones who I thought were good enough, and at the end she smiled a little and nodded.
«Cecily, this was really good. Come back every Thursday, please. If you keep going like this, I'm sure Lorne would be very happy to meet you.»
That night I came home with a light heart, and the feeling like maybe this would have turned out being something good.
I couldn't help but smile all the time, and when I texted my parents about it, I was happy to feel all the support.
Maybe SNL was the right thing for me. Finally there was a sign, like maybe all my hard work, my stress, wasn't all wasted time.
After weeks, Saturday Night Live resumed, this time at home. I was happy, of course, but missed my co-workers like I missed my family. Seeing them on a zoom call only made me miss hugging them more.
My mental health was bad, and I couldn't perform as well as I wanted; I decided not to do the first episode, I preferred it that way. I needed time to process everything, to get back on track and be myself again, or I would have gone down.
Jack had recovered and was no longer sick, so I invited him to my house to quarantine together. I couldn't bare being home alone anymore, I needed another human being with me, to talk to, to hug, to kiss, and to remind me to not drink more than a glass of wine per day, or my liver wouldn't have survived the year.
«I'm gonna go take a shower» he said, while I was writing something on my computer.
«Okay.»
It was a Wednesday, and the table read was about to start.
Lorne was the always the first one to come and the last one to go, and in fact when I entered the meeting he was already there.
«Good afternoon everyone, and welcome back to the table read for Saturday Night Live!»
We started working, I read what I had to, and right when I was reading a script about Michigan's governor Gretchen Whitmer, Jack opened the door without me noticing. He was only wearing his boxers, he still had wet hair, and he was looking for something, frankly, giving everyone a very nice view.
«Cecily, I hate to interrupt, but-» Kate chuckled. «There's an almost naked man behind you.»
«What-»
I turned around and saw Jack freezing and awkwardly smiling, so I gestured him to get out and put something on, something a mother would probably say to his son while smart working.
«Sorry, I was just looking for my glasses, I didn't realize that you were in a meeting.»
«Uh...» I muttered, scanning all around me. «Oh, here they are.»
I got up, handed him his glasses, and went back to the meeting as he turned around and closed the door behind me, in complete embarrassment.
«So deeply sorry about that» I excused myself.
Kate, who hadn't muted herself yet, started laughing, and even though I couldn't hear them, everyone else did too, making me blush from the embarrassment.
«Guys!» I protested, but I was not taken seriously due to my face, who wanted to laugh too.
«I mean, if I still had his body I'd go around like that too» Michael joked around.
Lorne was right. Jack had an amazing body, which was both the combination of good genes and a really deep love for the gym, or anything remotely connected to physical work. He wasn't a bodybuilder, but he was in amazing shape.
I covered my face, but couldn't hold back my laughter.
«Can we just go back to the governor, please?» I asked, to save myself from the situation.
«Yes, but someone's definitely gonna write a sketch about that.»
Time went by, and soon Lorne sent me a text to know what I planned to do after the season finale.
«Hey, Lorne» I said, answering his phone call.
«Cecily, dear, I just need to know if you're planning on staying or going. Cause if you're going, I'm gonna have to find a replacement, and you're leaving big shoes to fill, just so you know.»
«I think I'm gonna stay for a little while... Maybe my idea of leaving was a little bit rushed, I still have unfinished business down there.»
«That's the spirit. You won't regret it, I promise.»
After the call ended, I turned to Jack, who was watching the news on tv.
«Do you think I did the right thing?»
«Yeah, I mean... You should stay another year, since this one has been so crazy, and then you'll see, okay? Plus, just think about all the shit you could write about, I mean, look at these headlines!»
I nodded, then got up and face-timed Kate and Aidy.
«So?» they both immediately asked.
«I am staying.»
«YES!» Kate exclaimed.
«Thank God» Aidy smiled.
«By the way, Kate, I have been meaning to ask you: why did you act so strange that time I told you guys that I basically loved Jack?»
«This is gonna be fun. Bye» Aidy quickly exited the call, leaving me stunned and Kate almost anxious.
«Well, you know... I care about you.»
«Kate, I know you. What are you not telling me?»
She sighed and tried to look away.
«I might have had a slight crush on you» she revealed. «But it's over now, and it's been over for years.»
«For how long?»
«Uhm... one year» she answered, but she was clearly lying.
«Kate...»
«Okay, fine. From 2012 to 2015. You happy now?» she said, behaving like a five-year-old and crossing her arms in front of her chest.
«Wow!»
«Yeah but it was one of those "I like her but nothing's gonna happen so I might as well fuck someone else" kind of thing.»
«Yeah, but still, three years it's a lot. Well, I'm happy that you're over it and you're okay now.»
«Me, too. Anyways, I've got to feed Nino, I'll text you later.»
She ended the call, and suddenly I felt light again.
I didn't know what life had in store for me, but in that exact moment, it was okay. I knew that somehow, in some mysterious way, everything was gonna be alright, as I was doing what I was meant to, and I was ready to face whatever storm was coming, with a lot of laughter, a lot of love, and some occasional tears.
THE END
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UNBROKEN || Cecily Strong
Fanfiction«So... how is he?» Owen asked me, when we got a moment alone and away from all the chaos. «He's so sweet. I think I'm falling in love with him, honestly» I answered, smiling, with a cup of tea in my hand. «Good for you! Now, promise me that if I'm...
