On Thin Ice (editing again)

Chapter 11- Use Somebody

Blaze hoped that after her day, things would be different. 

She still felt like she had to prove herself to the team, and she technically did- she had to show them she wanted to be there and earned her spot on the roster just like everyone else. There was so much pressure with everybody staring at her, which made her confidence levels plummet. Even though she had done things much more intimidating before and she would push herself to do this, it was still tough to go out there for the first time and be vulnerable.

Blaze changed in the girls locker room, and she motivated herself to go out onto the open area before the team circled the ice for warmups. Jared was standing next to her, and she guessed that he saw her shaking. Jared knew she was terrified and he gave her a pep talk, especially knowing that she was playing her first game and she was playing with Razor. It was more than one mess wrapped up into one convenient event. 

"You can do this. I know you can, because in my first Varsity game, I did much worse. You're so much better than I ever will be." Jared offered.

"That is a lie! I'm not good enough to be here, so I'm just worried about what everyone else is going to think about me."

"Well, don't. If they have a problem with you, they can face us. You belong here just like they do, and they have no right to make you feel uncomfortable." Jared countered.

"Thanks. I needed that, even though I might still puke from nervousness."

They were playing against the Erie Electronics, and they were a tough opponent up until their prize player got knocked out. Blaze could tell some of them were unfocused, most likely because they haven't ever seen a girl play hockey on the boys' team. To give them the benefit of the doubt, though, Blaze wasn't even prepared for her playing a hockey game herself, so at that moment everyone was a little shook.

Blaze never imagined "that girl on the boys team" being her. The thought never crossed her mind that she would ever make an enormous impact on anything, but maybe this was just the starting point for her. Maybe her impact began with hockey and took her to places she never knew.

Once they started the game, it wasn't long before Blaze was out on the ice. It also was only a few short moments before an intimidating player kept getting in her way and trying to get in her head. Everyone could tell he had a problem with her, and like Jared promised, they took care of it. 

"Get out of the way! You don't belong on the ice with us!" He spat to her.

"Yeah, well, your hair looks terrible today!" She shot back, her attempt at trash talking a complete failure. She knew she already hated that guy, whoever he was. Everyone loved him on the ice because he was so talented, but that wasn't an excuse to be sexist and elitist. Blaze was getting pissed off at his pride and she was hanging onto her last nerve until he pushed herover the edge. He knew it too, and taunted her.

"Do it." He snickered, knowing that she would never try and square up against him. Instead, she charged at him as hard as she could, knocking him out of the way and scoring a goal. The team ended up beating the Electronics, who happened to be powerhouses, at the top of the league. When they shook hands at the end, some opposing Electronics said

"So you are a girl! You're brave to do this."

One of the others said to that same guy not long after they shook her hand,

"Yeah, and she's a pretty girl too. The whole package."

That comment didn't bother Blaze as much, but it did for the rest of the team. They were going to keep their promise and defend Blaze, especially knowing that TJ Burns was the one that was harassing her during the game, trying to push her out of what he thought was his space. Blaze was still angry and even downtrodden, despite her promise to herself not to be disappointed in however the game turned out. She didn't want to give TJ her time or energy just because he was angry, but it still made her pissed off. She was already not sure of her place in the hockey world, and it made it so much harder for her to feel wanted when people from other teams didn't. She couldn't even celebrate her goal, her first real hockey goal, because of someone else's negativity. It bummed her out, and it bummed everyone on her team out, too.

In the parking lot, Razor came up to her. Blaze was about to get into her car after she threw her bag in the backseat. Blaze turned around, right hand on the door to the driver's side of the car,  was still pissed off.

"Are you ok? I saw and heard about what happened on the ice tonight." He asked, concerned.

"No, I'm not ok! If you saw what happened, you would know why I've had enough with this guy! I can't STAND him!"

"If you quit, he'll get what he wants- power over you. You will be surprised at the outcome if you show him that he's not in charge of you and you don't let him get the best of you. You're really strong, and just because he pushes you to your sanity limit doesn't mean that it is acceptable to let him get in your head! You know?

Blaze stood in astonishment.

"Wow, Razor, where did that come from?" She asked, never having seen him that sincere before.

"I don't know. I guess I'm just afraid of what will happen when he does get the best of you.I din't want you to quit, and I don't want anyone to ruin this for you. And I guess I'm also afraid because that's how you and I began. But I'm glad I gave you some good advice."

"God, you frustrate me." She muttered, seeing how Razor could be two different people at times.

"That's what I'm here for." He chuckled. Their faces were close together.

"I really hate you sometimes, you know?" She spoke. 

He smirked and she hit him playfully. Still, Razor hoped that TJ didn't keep this up because its guaranteed that if he does, Razor would have to go after and punch him and he really didn't want to. His back hurts and he hasn't gotten enough sleep.

"Hey, I forgot to tell you, I talked to Allie." He began, sitting on the hood of his car.

"Oh man," Blaze muttered under her breath. "Let me guess, you broke up with her and now everyone's going to hate me since they're going to think I was the driving force behind the breakup. Great."

"Things are over between me and her. We talked about it for about a minute. I expected an argument but didn't get one, mainly because she was okay with the breakup. She was already all over someone else." He laughed under his breath, trying to mask his hurt. He bit his lip, cleared his throat and continued.

"I guess she only said those things to you for power, or just to use me as her leverage. She's always using me in some way, I know that now. I let her get the best of me and I believed everything that came out of her mouth."

"Razor, I'm sorry." Blaze apologized quietly.

"Don't be. I'll get over it."

"But you're not over it now and it's obvious you need someone."

He hopped down from the hood of his car and turned away. In the moonlight, Blaze could see his eyes that were tearing up. He was really upset by this, and it was understandable. He really liked Allie for a long time, and he kept alive the memory of them when things were good.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile, not because it happened, but because you're finally done with it!" Blaze attempted at comforting him. "I'm sorry, that was so cliche. Let me try again."

Blaze took a moment to take a breath and gather her thoughts, and the words gracefully escaped from her tongue.

"Okay, stop reminiscing on all the things you could have changed to make things better between you and her. She wasn't worth it, you know how she treated you. Just know that you'll get over it and find someone new that is going to be there for you. You'll never get anywhere if you keep trying to figure out how to make things alright, you just have to fight back and get through it, because you can. Then you'll look back on these days and realize it wasn't the end of the world, and that things turned out just fine."

Blaze could feel his hurt just like he felt hers the day Allie slapped her in the halls. She didn't want to get in her car and drive away, as she would rather sit in his car with him until sunrise, just looking at the stars and listening to the radio. Then she realized that the whole time, she was convincing myself she hated him when it was just a cover for how much she really cared for him. It was even harder to think that she was still living in the shadow of Allie, and he wasn't seeing her.

Out of everybody, it just had to be him.