On Thin Ice (editing again)

Chapter - A Failed Attempt at Rebounding

Blaze

I couldn't even look at Razor anymore. It was so hard to have to see him everyday, knowing that I wasn't the only girl he was falling in love with. He willingly chose her over me, and every time I thought about it, it was like another stab to my chest.

I felt weighed down, everything that was happening right now was getting to be a little much. It had all became so different so fast, and I was having a hard time adjusting. I don't think I could ever fully adjust to this, though. Heartbreak could never be easy, no matter how hard you tried for it to be.

"Hey, Blaze! Are you still coming over to work on that project this afternoon?" Austin asked, jogging to catch up to me. I was heading towards the cafeteria for lunch.

"Yeah, sure."

"You're still sad, I can tell. Listen, I k ow this is hard, but that's what friends are for. Let me cheer you up." Austin said, draping his arm around my shoulders. I shrugged him off.

"I'm really not in the mood to get cheered up, because that means I have to do something social. Please just let me be sad."

"No, because I'm afraid you'll be sad for way too long, and then you'll be in too deep. Work with me here." He explained. I suddenly caught a draft of cold air in the hall, causing me to wrap my jacket around me a little tighter as I crossed my arms. I felt small emotionally, and wanted to physically fold myself up and disappear.

"I'll just see you at your house." I stated, quickly ending the conversation. He said okay and started walking a little faster, getting far enough ahead of me that I lost him after a few paces. I didn't eat lunch in the cafeteria, I turned around and ate my lunch in the quiet, secluded hallway where the band, chorus and orchestra rooms were.

Later, at Austin's house, we were working on our project when he sat back. I knew exactly what he was going to say.

"You're still not okay, are you?" He asked, jumping into the conversation with no warning, head first. I knew this was going to happen.

"No. I'm not okay."

"Well, talk to me a little. I might be able to help or offer my advice, but I understand if you don't want to open up to me."

"You're my friend and you deserve to know. I'm sorry that I haven't been a good friend to you when you've been incredible to me, but everything still hurts just like it used to. Austin, I can't even look at him when he's not with her, and every time I see him and she's glued to his side I can't help but to think how many other girls he's looked at like that. I can't help but to think if his feelings were real. How am I supposed to know if I was special or if I was just another girl to him?"

"I don't know what to say, and that makes me feel shitty. I see how badly you're hurt by this and I've known him for so much longer than you have. I feel like I should have the answer, and it really bothers me that I don't." Austin confessed.

"And every time she looks at me, I know she's saying so many things just with her eyes. She wants to rub it in my face that I couldn't make him stay and she could. She wants to taunt me, how I'm not his anymore and she is. Every part of this bothers me, and I'm just so sad that I don't have anyone anymore. I don't think I ever will. Everyone I've come to love has just left me once they get too close. This is one of those times where I wished I hadn't even come here. I wish I had stayed in California. I didn't have these problems there. I was popular. People liked me. I never had this feeling of being alone, and loneliness is what's killing me."

"I understand where you're coming from, I do. But, if you had never come here then I never would have known you. And knowing you is something that I'm so thankful for, you're such a good and strong person. I'm so grateful to have you around, and you've taught me a lot about friendship."

"Do you really mean that?"

"I do. If you hadn't come here, I never would have challenged myself to become a better person, friend and hockey player. You unknowingly taught me about leadership and self-improvement. Determination. I see how hard you work in practice to get better, and I wish I had your work ethic. Without you around here, I never would have seen your beautiful face and beautiful insides. So, if this means anything to you, I'm glad you showed up here."

"I don't want to sound rude since I'm actually so touched by what you said, but I feel like the cons of me being here outweigh the pros. I feel like I've started too much drama. I've set myself up for failure too many times. I'll never be as good a hockey player as any of you, there's just no way that I'll have enough skills to even be considered as a possibility for competition for the other players on the ice. And I'll never be someone's number one."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'm never someone's first choice. I'm always their last resort. I'm always somebody's rebound, never the one that meant the most. I'm just a filler, and I'm scared that's all I'll be."

"I don't want to be a stereotypical teenage boy about this, but you were always my number one since the day I met you. There was no one else I wanted to be with but you. I was jealous that you went for Razor, because he doesn't care about anything. I expected it, girls always go for the bad guys and not the nice guys. At least in my experience. I just hoped that one day you would see me as I saw you, and maybe we could be together eventually."

"Austin, I don't want you to be my rebound."

"You know what? I'm okay with being your 'rebound'. I know the time that we'll spend together will be meaningful, even if it is all because we don't want to be alone."

"But what about what comes after? I don't think I could out you through that."

"We don't have to think about that now."

"Do you just want to kiss me?" I asked, quietly.

"Maybe." He answered. I knew this was the moment he had been waiting for for months. I let him kiss me.

It was a nice kiss, it was softer and sweeter than the type of kiss Razor usually gave to me. Austin's lips were softer, and he wanted this so badly.

We kissed for a minute or two, but I was the one to kill all of his dreams. I pulled away gently, explaining without looking at him

"This doesn't feel right. I'm sorry. I'm not over Razor, and this isn't fair to you. It's too soon. I guess I'll call you later." I said as I picked up my things and started making my way to the front door.

Leave it up to me to singlehandedly mess things up for everyone.