Am I the asshole??

15

AITA for what I said to my MIL when she made my wedding about QEII?

I (F29) got married yesterday to my partner of six years, Matt (M30). Some relevant info: I am Anglo-Irish, Matt is English. We are not monarchists. Our wedding is being held abroad (France) and we, along with our closest family and friends, have been here since Wednesday.

The issues with my MIL Jane (f54) began when she started suggesting that we should cancel the wedding following the death of QEII, which we shut down. After this it was silence until the wedding morning, when Jane came to see me wearing a black suit. I had no real issue with her wearing something else if it makes her more comfortable, but I was a bit surprised because she didn't mention it and just seemed to be something she probably wears to work. I asked why she had changed and she said 'we' were in mourning and she wanted to be respectful, so I politely reminded her that she was at a wedding and not a funeral. When my bridesmaids got dressed, Matt's sister Emily (f26) came in wearing a black dress too which she didn't even acknowledge as different, let alone weird and out of place. Around 70% of Matt's guests were wearing black. I was pissed off, but ultimately I could ignore it. I found out when I was greeting guests later than Jane had told Matt's side to wear black at our request to honour Elizabeth.

At the reception, a bunch of our guests started to go missing quite early on, so my maid of honour went to look for them and came back to get me. They were in a different room with a TV which was playing the queue footage, and holding a 'prayer circle' where they were sharing their 'memories'. Lots of them were crying. I feel sympathy for Elizabeth's family in a human way, but her death is absolutely no loss to me. Jane knows Matt and I feel this way, though I have never pushed my views on her in the way she forces hers on me. She is very much a 'respect your elders and betters' kind of person. I politely asked if everyone would come back for our first dance but Jane said they were busy celebrating a *great (*emphasis*)* woman, which I felt implied that I am the opposite. I snapped and told her that she was being fucking selfish and ruining her son's wedding day for a dead woman she never met, that the family is parasitic and abnormal, and shouldn't be celebrated nor mourned. I also told her to grow the fuck up. I figured they weren't coming back to the reception anyway so I wasn't too bothered when they stayed away, but I did ask the hotel to cut the TVs.

Matt is on my side, though saddened that our wedding ended up like this. I feel responsible for a lot of it because I lashed out to an extreme and it's not a side of myself I liked. I have also had Matt's relatives telling me I behaved inappropriately today, including Emily who said that she understood my point to some extent, but she also thought that I was wrong to shame my MIL when she is in mourning for a great interest of hers. I now wonder if I went too far, so am I the asshole?