Radiance

Disassociated Feelings

TW//dissociation 

This means Time has troubles associating or connecting with his body and mind, and sometimes his surroundings.

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| Time |

I tap my finger on the desk, syncing into time with the ticking around me. The papers lay in front of me, holding info about recent changes of guard and requests for materials and new weapons. After a moment of reading a paper, I stop tapping and scribble down my signature, then stamp a symbol of the Colorless guard onto the bottom of a page. Setting the paper off to the side, I pick up another set of papers to read them. 

Yet the entire time, my mind was on Light and Sabre. Both had been hurt recently and I couldn't help them in their current states. I felt a sense of emptiness and sadness because of this, which led to me just absentmindedly filling out these papers.

Or, was I paying attention?

I pause a moment from my reading and blink, coming a bit back to reality. My thumb was landed on the bottom of a paragraph about the Architect Guild requesting to have more materials to further the expansion project in the Yellow kingdom's Guard outpost. But... I wasn't paying attention, how did I remember all of that?

Sighing, I set the paper down and rub the bridge of my nose. What was I doing here anyways? Shouldn't I be at the Violet Kingdom, making sure that Sabre and Grace were alright? I shouldn't be here at the Headquarters. 

I make to stand up, but then my eyes land on the papers on the desk. There was still a bunch more papers to fill out still, and some had been on the desk for nearly a week now.

I slump back down into the chair and rub my temples.

When did I know that again? I hadn't been in Light's office ever since he called me in about something for the Northern Outpost.

No. He called me in and asked me if I wanted to accompany him to the Red kingdom to check on the Red Leader and run the monthly inspection of the Rose Sanctuary. The Northern Outpost was three weeks ago.

I pause, suddenly having a feeling that something was off.

Why did some of my memories seemed split? As if it happened in two different lifetimes? I let out a slow breath, then look around the circular room with birch planking on the walls. Several articles of furniture lay in here, but it wasn't much. Light was a person who didn't want his workspaces too cluttered.

My eyes land over on the clock laying on a cabinet to my left and I eye the reflective surface of its face. The chair squeaks as I stand up and walk over to it. Its quiet ticking drew me closer till I could see my face in the glass face.

I feel my stomach flip as my normally milky white eye was golden. I backpedal, feeling an overwhelming fear. What- I- Who?! Who am I?!

I hold myself, starting to shake, as I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Who am I??" I whimper out and back into a wall, slumping down it until I was curled into a ball while holding my head. When did this happen? When did my eye turn gold?? Who's memories do I have? Are they mine??

I feel tears start to come to my eyes as I gasp for air, a pressure weighing down on my chest.

Who was I?

I feel my mind go fuzzy and try to breathe, finally feeling my throat open. Falling to the side, I lay on the floor, coughing. It took me a while before I finally felt fully in my body.

"Lieutenant?!" A familiar voice calls out from the doorway and I weakly  raise my head to look. A blue headed guard runs in, his eyes filled with worry. With a cough, I sit up with his help.