"Felix?! Felix!" Hyunjin called out while stepping into the boy's bathroom. Felix didn't say anything, quietly sobbing while sitting on the bathroom floor.
"Are you okay?" The tall blonde asked, sitting next to his best friend and wrapping an arm around him. The blonde leaned his head on Hyunjin's shoulder, nestling into the crook of his neck while the tears kept falling.
"N-no... I am not okay." Felix softly said, hugging his body tighter to himself.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Hyunjin asked, waiting patiently for the shaken up boy to answer.
"Aren't you gonna get in trouble for skipping class? Y-you should go back." Felix softly spoke, lifting his head to lock eyes with his best friend.
"It's okay. Don't worry about that." Hyunjin softly smiled, causing Felix to smile back at the kindness. He was in no position to pass up Hyunjin's offer on venting. He needed to talk to somebody who cared, somebody who he is comfortable with and know won't judge him.
"W-we can talk, but we may be limited on time since Chan is coming to get me." Felix softly spoke, crying calming down once in the comfort of his best friend. Hyunjin only nodded, waiting patiently for Felix to speak. He would be lying if he said he wasn't eager to hear what's been going on with the blonde, but he acted unfazed on the outside.
"S-so you know how I moved in with Chan right? And then he spoiled me right?" Felix asked, to which Hyunjin nodded his head.
"A-at that point Minho's rumors weren't true... They aren't entirely true right now either." Felix softly spoke, shaking from the nervous feeling he got while talking about it. He couldn't help but understand why Chan was so closed off with personal stuff like this.
It makes you vulnerable which was scary. It meant you were opening yourself to all types of things both good and bad. Felix however was not Chan, even though he understood Chan's reasonings, Felix himself needed to be open. He really did believe it was bad to keep things bottled up for too long.
Felix felt dirty talking about it, even with Hyunjin. Nobody knew this side of him with the exception of Chan. Part of him worried Hyunjin would view him like how everybody else at the school did.
"T-things got a little awkward between me and him. He said a few suggestive things here and there, but I always just kinda shrugged them off..." Felix said, glancing up to lock eyes with Hyunjin who was listening intently. He scanned his face for any look of judgement, happy to see not a trace in sight.
"T-then things kinda got physical. It wasn't serious at all though, but then it suddenly switched and got so intense almost immediately. I-it was like i got hit by a truck..." Felix rambled, nestling closer to the tall blonde while he dried up his last remaining tears.
"I'm here to listen, this is a judgement free zone." Hyunjin softly said, interested in hearing more.
"M-my parents were the reason why I went to the office yesterday." Felix said, causing Hyunjin to say his first few words in a while.
"Fuck, how did that go? What did they have to say?" He asked, fully invested at this point. He had a general idea of how Felix's parents were, even though the blonde never really spoke about it. He could pick up from the tiny little details pertaining to Felix as an individual that his parents were super neglectful.
"T-they said really hurtful things to me. They accused me of pimping myself out for all the new stuff Chan had gotten me... They accused me of worshiping satan, all these horrible things." The blonde said, feeling the tears brew once more when he thought about it.
"What fucking assholes. Seriously, how the fuck could they say that to their own son?" Hyunjin questioned, baffled that people could be so cruel to their kids.
"I don't know much about them since you haven't really spoken much on the topic, but I knew it since the first day I met you. I always knew they were bad and mistreated you." The tall blonde softly spoke, causing Felix to cry once more. This time he was sobbing, choking on air while they talked.
"They had threatened to send me away to an all boys school. T-that meant I couldn't see Chan anymore and the thought drove me crazy. I-I told Chan about it and then he kissed me..." Felix said, remembering the moment as clear as day. He could remember the feeling of Chan's lips so clearly. Hyunjin was shocked, given Chan didn't seem interested it him at all. It was a bit weird to him.
"It was like after he kissed me, s-something just changed in me. I couldn't control myself. Things escalated a-and we did sexual stuff... W-we didn't have sex though, but I guess that makes me a whore." Felix felt himself tense the more he talked about it. He didn't want Hyunjin to look at him differently.
"Listen Lixxie, doing stuff like that is normal. There's no reason to feel shame in it." Hyunjin reassured.
"Y-you know and that's the thing. I-I just wanted to be normal and have a normal life. I-I feel like God is punishing me for all my sins!" He cried, wiping his tears with the sleeve of Chan's hoodie.
"Definitely not." Hyunjin quickly added in hopes of making his best friend feel better.
"The worst part is that I- I can't stop sinning! I haven't been able to since I met Chan..." Felix couldn't stop choking on his own cries, having an even harder time breathing. The boy was having a full blown panic attack and Hyunjin couldn't do anything but hug him harder.
"Just breath, it's okay." The tall blonde said, kissing Felix's head gently. It genuinely pained him to see this side of Felix. The boy has always been such a happy soul, and even now during all this he still shined.
"We smoked weed." Felix blurted out, striking a bit of shock into Hyunjin. It was weird to hear of Felix doing these things, but the last thing Hyunjin was going to do was judge him.
"God is punishing me! I'm getting bullied by Minho because God hates me! H-he hates me because I disobeyed my parents! He hates me because I did sexual things with another man! I-I deserve this!" Felix really did believe he deserved everything happening to him.
Sure, he wasn't going to stop just because of that mindset, yet it still killed him. It killed him to know that even though he felt this way and was going through all these things, he refused to do anything about it and fix the problem. He hated how he loved being sexual with Chan, he hated how nothing, not even God could stop him from feeling the way he did.
"Hey hey hey! Listen to me please." Hyunjin said, shifting his body and taking Felix's head into his hold. He cupped the boy's cheeks gently while wiping the tears away with his thumbs.
"God is not punishing you for being a human with basic wants and desires. You're 18, you moved out, and you have a clearly have crush on somebody. None of that and I repeat none of that is a sin." Hyunjin said, watching while Felix struggled to quiet his sobs.
"You feel like this because your parents clearly abused you for all these years. You're free from them now, and God does not hate you." Hyunjin hugged Felix tightly, rubbing circles on his back. Even though Hyunjin was an atheist, he wasn't going to bash Felix for believing in God. He would never do such a thing.
"You are loved. You are perfect." Hyunjin said, feeling his own tears brew at this point. He really did love his best friend, and wanted the best for him.
"Don't live your life in fear please. I know it'll take some time, but trust me when I tell you that you are not a whore and you aren't a devil worshipper for simply liking somebody and living. Your parents only say these things because they know they can't manipulate you anymore. Minho only calls you a whore because you won't put out for him." Hyunjin chuckled before continuing.
"We all know he's the actual whore." He added in causing Felix to softly giggle. "You know I love you, right?" Hyunjin asked, causing Felix to nod.
"Good." He said, kissing the boy on the tip of the nose before pulling him back into another tight hug.
"I-I love you too... Thank you Jinnie." Felix quietly said. He knew everything Hyunjin said was true, he just wished it were easier for him to believe. He could only hope with time that things got better and all the guilt would disappear.
———
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For All Things Holy || Chanlix
FanficFelix was a nerdy kid from a small town. He had little to no friends aside from Han Jisung and Hwang Hyunjin. He was Catholic and his parents were super strict, giving him little to no freedom to wiggle around and enjoy life. What happens when the h...
