Chasing Smoke-Shinichiro Sano x reader

chapter 1

If I were to write my own eulogy, do you think I would lie and say I was happy and healed? Do you think I would lie and say I thought of myself as a good person? Do you think I would just write 5 good things about me and leave it at that, not mentioning the time I became a criminal and destroyed the lives of everyone who loves me, or skip the part when I time traveled and lied to so many people, thinking that I was doing it to save them? All of it only led to them dying every single time, in every single future. Would I skip the part of my life when I grasped the hand of the love of my life just in time before she could fall to her death? Why would I skip that part, you might ask, well maybe because I was the reason that we were here and this is the moment that started all of it.

When I found myself clinging onto my girlfriend's hand as she dangles off the rooftop, I realised one thing, I fucked up

When I blinked and suddenly found myself back in the past, looking at my 16yr old self in the mirror, I realised one more thing, I had a chance to fix my mistakes

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I stare at myself in the mirror, 16 year old me. It doesn't confuse me that I'm looking at my 16 year old self, or that I'm in the house I lived in 12 years ago with my grandfather and younger siblings, not at first at least because the first thing I notice is the ugly hairstyle I used to have. "Why did I have such an ugly hairstyle in the past and why did nobody say anything?" I say to myself, examining my hair in the mirror and scrunch my nose, making a disgusted face

"No wonder so many girls rejected me, I'm surprised I even got the chance to talk to y/n"

"What do you mean you had an ugly hairstyle 'in the past'?" I hear a very familiar voice but I refuse to believe that it could be her, I refuse to believe that I deserve to see anyone I have ever hurt again

"She's right, your hairstyle has always been ugly and what do you mean nobody said anything? We have been trying to tell you for so long"

I turn around to see Manjiro and Emma staring at me with judging eyes. Looking at their familiar faces almost brings tears to my eyes and as confused as I am, knowing that Emma should be dead and both Manjiro and I are supposed to be older than this, I am still focused on my younger siblings standing in front of me.
"Breakfast is ready, come outside fast or Manjiro's gonna eat all of it" Emma says

I nod with tears in my eyes and a soft smile. Seeing her and hearing her voice again makes me so happy and sad at the same time, it's almost like my life is flashing before my eyes as I hold onto y/n's hand, knowing I will die. It's like the universe is trying to taunt me by showing me Emma and Manjiro but I have no complaints because even though I hate myself for hurting them, I still wanted to see them once again.

I wipe my eyes and go outside to see my Grandfather, Manjiro, and Emma sitting at the dining table. I sit beside Manjiro, Emma in front of me.

Talking to them almost made it feel like all that happened after this was just a dream. Getting involved with criminals, Manjiro becoming the leader of a criminal organisation, Emma's death, y/n losing everything to be with me, it was like none of it ever happened. I would obviously prefer to live like a loser who can't fight over so many deaths. But somewhere, I still have this feeling that this is only going to last a few moments before my life stops flashing before my eyes and I die.

I blink back the tears again and suddenly get up with a weird motivation flowing in me "I'm going out for a walk" I put on my shoes and shout an 'i'll be back soon' before leaving

I walk like I have an important business meeting to attend even though I have no idea where exactly I'm going. I just know that I have to look for y/n before this is over