Chasing Smoke-Shinichiro Sano x reader

Chapter 4

y/n pov

"You're sure that there is no way you could convince him to take the offer?" Daichi asks

"Nope, he's made up his mind. I tried my best to convince him" I reply. It's weird how just a few days ago, Benkei was ready to take up their offer. The fact that he listened to someone he just met is confusing and I would've tried to convince him otherwise had I not found out that Shinichiro was right. So now that I know Kiyoshi, the guy my boyfriend is loyal to, will do anything for power, I will be spying on Kiyoshi and betraying said boyfriend. You learn to ignore the guilt when it's all you have felt for your entire life, with my mother, with Benkei, with Ragnarock, and now with Daichi. It's not that I don't blame myself, I'm just good at ignoring it until everything is finally over and I can break down.

Daichi sighs, he seems a little worried but before I can ask why, he says "Fine, I'll talk to Kiyoshi" and gives me a quick kiss before leaving

Gathering more information about Kiyoshi and what he really wants will have to wait for another day. I sigh, knowing that there is nobody except Daichi who would give me any information, I decide to leave.

Walking back home is the most dreaded part of my day. As much as I would love to crash on my bed and stay there for the rest of the day, going home knowing that my mom would be there is not something I would like to do. She never hits me, she's never laid a hand on me, but she has a way of hurting me with everything she says and in the end, I'm the one who feels guilty about it. It's like she pushes me down and catches me before I can fall so she can give me hope and hurt me again.

I have two choices, I can either walk directly home, or I can take the long way around. I pause, as if hesitant, I'm always hesitant about it. My feet always turn to the long way home. I always keep walking, as if sedately, I don't turn back. I make a few stops in between, today it is again Ragnarock's meeting spot, tomorrow, I don't think it will change.

"Y/n! Hi, Benkei told me what happened with Shinichiro" I hear Seiko shout from behind me. I have no idea how she snuck up on me or why she's shouting even though she's standing right next to me, but then again, I never have any idea why she does anything.

"He did?" I reply, "Well, Shinichiro's joining Ragnarock now, Benkei refused Kiyoshi's offer and it doesn't matter if any of us are against his decision because it looks like Benkei has made up his mind"

"He really trusts this guy, huh?" Seiko asks

"I don't know why Benkei even trusts him, they met two days ago and he's obviously hiding something from us"

"Benkei always has his reason, I'm sure he has one to trust him" Seiko says and I realise that she's right, I might not trust Shinichiro, but I trust Benkei.

"I have to go, I'll see you later" Seiko says and leaves before I can reply

I sit on the stairs and look at the abandoned parking lot. It seems a lot bigger when it's empty. I have an image in my mind of the place full of all the members of Ragnarock, Benkei standing on the stairs where I'm currently sitting, addressing the gang, the members cheering and a chill runs down my spine, it's like a current, like an adrenaline boost to even imagine it. This has always been there for me, Seiko and Shoko, Benkei, Ragnarock. There is a reason the stops never change, this is all I have, the chill in the air when the entire gang stands here late at night for a meeting, the cheering, the sound of the bike engine's roar when everything else goes silent.

I have always trusted all of this, specially Benkei, and I have no reason to not trust him now. I might not trust Shinichiro, but Benkei does. Benkei trusts me when I can't trust myself. I know I can rely on him, so maybe I could try giving Shinichiro a chance.