Not Real. (Kas Theory - Steddie.)

Forget It. (011)

(Author's Note; mentions of internalized h0m0phob1@, sl*rs, b1t1ng, & scr@tch1ng. enjoy your read.<3)

Steve laid on the floor, horrible thoughts swarming his mind. He felt disgusting, a horrible, itchy feeling crawling up his skin. It just didn't feel right.

It felt like Eddie wasn't even there on his bed. It was just him all alone on his floor, on the verge of breaking down completely. Why did he do it?

Was it the tension? He wanted it to happen again, but he hated himself for wanting that. But, something about Eddie was so addicting. And Steve hated that.

Steve curled up into a ball, the carpet texture leaving temporary dents on the exposed skin of his arms & face. He felt so guilty for kissing him.

He snapped out of his thoughts as Eddie turned to look over at him, stuttering a simple, "Steve?" He looked up at the vampire, but just looking at him made him feel worse.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.." Steve apologized quietly. Eddie shook his head & sighed. "Steve, it's fine. We can just pretend it never happened if that's what you want."

Steve nodded. He'd like that a lot. "Yeah, I'd rather just forget it happened." Eddie was a little hurt, but he nodded. If that's what Steve wanted, then that's what would happen.

And of course, they both acted as if it never happened. Like they never kissed. Like they never laughed or had fun together before all of it.

Just as soon as Steve thought they were happy, they weren't. It was all sad & gloomy again, but Steve didn't like that. Neither did Eddie.

Eddie turned his back to Steve again, laying down & stuffing his face into one of the pillows. He wished that Steve didn't regret it, that he admitted his feelings for him, that they were together now.

It wasn't that easy, though. It never was.

Steve sobbed to himself on the ground, those awful thoughts returning. 'Why did you kiss him, you fag? Why did you do it? You're disgusting. He hates you. Everybody hates you.'

He hugged his arms, digging his nails into his skin. He bit down on his bottom lip, his breathing unstable. He felt terrible. All of these thoughts ruining him.

That itchy feeling returned. He started to scratch all over his body. His arms, his shoulders, his neck, his legs. He hated that feeling.

Eddie heard all the commotion of Steve moving around on the floor. He turned & looked at Steve. "Woah, Steve! What's going on?"

He got off the bed & sat next to him, trying to stop Steve & calm him down. "C'mon, don't do that. You're gonna hurt yourself." Eddie quietly said.

Steve stopped, that itchy feeling still there. He wanted to keep scratching, to make it go away. He sat up, gripping the fabric of his pants.

"I- I'm really sorry." Steve apologized again. Eddie's facial expression softened. "Steve, it's really not your fault. It's all fine." Steve shook his head, pursing his lips.

He looked up at Eddie. "It's not, though. I never meant for that to happen." Eddie nodded, those words tugging at his heart. But, he knew that Steve was going through shit.

"I know, Steve. I know." Eddie gave him a small, weak smile. "But, it's all okay. We just- have to leave it behind. Y'know, forget it ever happened."

Steve shakily sighed, nodding. A tear fell from his eye, Steve quickly wiping it with the back of his hand. He sniffled as Eddie scooted closer, rubbing circles on Steve's back.

He smiled a little, leaning into Eddie as the vampire wrapped an arm around him. Steve felt safe, resting his head against Eddie's chest & listening to his heartbeat.

"Do you think- that I'm disgusting? Or a weirdo now?" Steve quietly asked. Eddie shook his head. Steve could hear Eddie's heart racing & smiled.

Eddie shook his head, running his fingers through Steve's soft, brown hair. He lightly scratched his scalp, Steve relaxing at the feeling.

"I don't think your disgusting or a weirdo, H." His voice was quiet & silky smooth. Nicer than usual. Steve loved the tone of his voice, hearing it ring through his ears.

Steve could listen to him talk all day. "But, I kissed you. Isn't that-" Eddie cut him off, his voice all of a sudden more stern. "Just forget it."

The younger man furrowed his eyebrows & just nodded. He did want to forget about it. But, he couldn't. He never could. It would always stick in his mind, there to bug him. To annoy him.

The vampire sat there quietly with Steve in his arms, holding back his tears. He kept slowly scratching Steve's scalp, running his fingers through his hair & untangling it.

"Don't you get it, Steve?"

His voice was more shaky & quiet. Upset. His chest rose & fell slowly, his heart thumping. Steve looked up at him, confused.

Eddie pursed his lips. "Why don't you understand? I know this is all so- difficult for you. But it's difficult for me too." A few tears rolled down his pale cheeks.

Steve sat up, looking at him. "Eddie, what're you trying to say?" He panicked. Did Steve do something wrong? Eddie seemed really upset.

Eddie looked down & wiped his tears even though they kept coming. He muttered something inaudible to Steve. Steve tilted his head, "What..?"

The vampire muttered the same thing again. But, Steve still couldn't understand what he was trying to say. What he wanted to say, what he needed to say.

"I love you." Eddie admitted.

Steve's heart dropped. More tears just kept falling from Eddie's eyes as he sobbed. The vampire stood up, knowing Steve wasn't going to say anything.

"Forget it. Forget I even said anything. Forget it just like everything else." Eddie said as he wiped his tears, sniffling as he got back onto the bed & went under the blankets.

Steve just sat there. Did Eddie really like him? Did he kiss him only to break his heart like so many times before? He messed up, just like always.

The whole room was silent. The only noises were Eddie quietly sobbing under the blanket on Steve's bed. Steve loved him too, he really did. But, he didn't want to accept it.

He just wanted to forget it. To forget him.

As if he never existed.

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Word Count: 1044

(A/N; ngl i kinda feel bad for making this so sad 💀)