SMITTEN || J.JK

11| Helpless

2:45 P.M.

I punch the number into the digital lock for the door to emit a sound as we step across the doorstep, entering the secure vicinity of my home.She follows me in silence that engenders a strange discomfort inside me. We travelled through the subway, got off the station and walked our way back home without a word which bothers me more than it should. I motion towards the kitchen to open the cabinet to look for snacks to feed her while she stands with her hands clasped on her front, gazing at everywhere except me."There's chips, gummy bears,pocky sticks and vanilla wafers.What would you like?",I earn her attention so she swirls her face at me.

"I don't feel like eating much after lunch so it's okay.",She nibbles on her lips, her voice weaker than before and I'm afraid it's the fact that we're about to have an important conversation that diminished her appetite.I don't pay heed to her response and picks one packet of each, two of her favourite sticks and a can of her favourite milk from the refrigerator, grasping it between my fingers as she watches me in silence."Come on, let's go to my room.",I lead the way and she trails along me to head in the direction of the stairs.The door knob twists in my hands, revealing my room to her as she forwards in hesitation. I move towards the closet to keep my bag in the closet, my heart thudding at an impeccable speed.The lack of words between us is proving to be more excruciating and irksome than I could ever imagine and I need to get the weight off her chest.

Upon exiting the walk-in closet, I notice her eyes scrutinising the interior of my room, her pupils scanning the monochrome walls and minimalistic ceiling, absorbing the sight of my room."I've never been in your room but I figured it'd be like this.",She mumbles, grounded to the same spot where I left her before,her bag clinging to her shoulder.

"Come here.",I set the snacks on the table and clasp her hand, her hand closing around me instantaneously and I sense a hint of nervousness in her delicate fingers when my body rests on the couch, facing her. My hands glide against her arms for her to set her legs astride my lap and straddle me.Her eyes raise to look at me, an exquisite warmth gathering in my chest at the vulnerable glance that she gives me.This is going to be really difficult for her to bare what has changed her whole self but I'm ready to do whatever it takes to make her feel secure and cherished.

I take the hold of the strap of her bag from both sides to let the bag reside on the table beside the couch before returning my attention to her.My left hand reaches around her ankle to let the click twitch so the boot falls on the ground and I do the same with the right one before holding her waist, rubbing her back with my thumb to caress the spots numb by tension.Her breath sharpens and she exhales a sigh, her eyes still attuned to me."Are you feeling relaxed?",She nods so I take a glimpse of her fabric-clad legs to realise that she's still afraid of this position, abashed that she would feel heavy.

"Y/n…",I cause her eyes shoot me,"You're not heavy.I love having you close to me like this.",I make sure to insinuate the real meaning behind my words and watch a glint of relief simmering urgently and her pupils dilate, so I wrap my hand around her thighs to pull her closer and sheath on my lap, my fingers tipping deeper on her skin as she lets go of a brisk breath."Why are you doing this?",She peeks at me, biting her lips as her guts defy her trust in me."What am I doing?",I don't control myself from rubbing circles on her thigh, loving the unnerving sensations that her touch pools inside me.

"You're giving me more attention than you used to and taking care of me. It wasn't like this before.Why are you doing this?",Doubts play viciously with her thoughts, her choice of words stunning me when the realisation dawns upon me. She's right. I'm inclined towards her, her thoughts, feelings and well-being more than I used to. I can't fight the need to take care of her, pacify her, make her feel special,happy and have her with me and the fact that I can't comprehend the reason behind the intensity of this feeling is petrifying.