Secondhand - Sophia Smith

Chapter 17

I couldn't believe it finally worked out. 

Everything was perfect, except that extreme exhaustion that hit me at practice the next day. 

"Remember. This is between us for a little while." I reminded her in the car. 

"I know." 

"Good." 

We walked to the field just chatting about how the Phillies did last night, even though I have literally no idea how it actually went. 

Throughout practice I kept quiet, and everyone thought that was weird. I just told them I was tired because I was up late talking to my sister on the phone. 

I had to call Kelsey and tell her what's going on, as I haven't talked to her in a while. 

After practice, Sophia and I went out to get lunch about an hour outside of the city, at our favorite little place. We go there once every 2 weeks about, but since it's been so insane lately we haven't been able to go. 

We're safe there, safe from the outside world, safe from people with social media, safe to talk about whatever and not worry, because a lot of the people that go here are regulars and know us. 

I almost felt like I was betraying Sam by not telling her this right away, but it's whatever. This is kept on the down low for now. 

"So....you know I leave for international duty right after the game Saturday." She said sadly. 

"And you sound upset because...." 

"I won't be with you." 

"So what? You get to go play in the red, white and blue! That's every soccer player's dream!" 

"Is it your dream?" Soph lightly traced circles on the back of my hand, which was flat on the table. 

"Mayyybe." I smiled. 

"You're gonna get there." 

"You think?" 

"I know." 

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After she told me that, I heard a million things in my head. I heard people saying I was special, so good at playing keeper despite not being more that 5'6. Then I heard my mom, degrading me down to dust. 

"You'll never be more than a backup goalie! No one will ever care about your career." My mom said. 

"So you don't believe in me?" I asked. 

"Not at all. You're pretty worthless. Too short to be a goalie, too stupid to go to college for anything else. Look, you can't even sit through one conversation!" 

"You're the worst." 

"You should just give up." 

"I won't. Not only to spite you, but also because I believe in myself, dad believes in me, my coaches believe in me. You seem to be the only person who doesn't." I yelled. 

"Like I said before, you should just give up." 

"You're just jealous." I blurted. "You are a selfish, jealous, narcissist. I'm glad dad is leaving you, because you don't deserve his good heart!" 

Apparently at that point, she had no idea about their divorce. But my dad heard our fight, and that was his last straw. So that's how I ruined my narcissistic mom's life. And I don't regret it a day. Because she treated me like that since I was a little kid. 

I stood in the door frame of my mom's room and watched her pack up her stuff in a storm of anger after having 2 bad fights.  

"That's the stillest I've ever seen you stand." She said.