If that's what it takes

22

Derek carried the little girl in his arms to the deck, sliding the door closed to keep the warmth of the house inside. The deafening silence of the outdoors hit them hard as he cradled Zoey in his arms, wrapping her securely in the blanket, he leaned back on the bench swing, lifting his feet playfully as he allowed it to swing forward with both of them on it, his feet in the air as she looked over his arms to see that they had made it to the bench. She watched Derek's face as the movement of the swing soothed her, the blanket that was wrapped around her keeping her warm with the help of his arms.

"This is my most favorite spot in my whole house..." He whispered as he looked down at her curious eyes. "It's quiet... and peaceful. It's far away from everything that makes me sad, everything that makes me lonely, everything that makes me scared." He whispered. "It can be your place to, if you want... a safe place to go when things are on your mind... if you want to get away from anything, this is the best place." He said softly as she watched him. "Do you like my place?" He whispered as she smiled softly.

"Yes." She whispered, her head nodding as she turned her head and pushed it into Derek's chest. She could feel his arms tightening around her as he gently rocked them both on the swing.

"Can I tell you what scares me?" He whispered. She turned her head and looked up at him curiously again. She nodded her head slightly in interest. "I'm scared... that... I'm not going to be able to take care of you exactly the way you need." He whispered. "I'm scared that there is going to be one thing, one... tiny thing that I'm going to forget to do, to say, to act on... that will mess things up... I'm afraid that I have the ability to make you laugh, smile, giggle... and that also means that I have the ability to make you cry... that scares me. I'm a little scared that I might spoil you too much... that in my effort to make things right... that I'm going to take a wrong turn... and give you too much, and give you unreasonable expectations..." He sighed. "I'm scared that you're not going to tell me when you need things... that you won't tell me that you're cold... you wont tell me that you're hungry or thirsty... that you have to go to the bathroom, or simply that you are scared too. I'm afraid of those things... and maybe you understand.... Or maybe you don't... but I don't want to mess this up... you up... I don't want to be in that long list of people that made you feel less than special." He whispered.

They were silent for a long time as Derek held her to him and gently rocked her on the swing. He listened to her breathing, feeling her warm body through the blanket as she just lay silently. They remained so quiet and so peaceful, that when she finally did speak up, her voice startled him a bit. "I'm afraid of thunder." She whispered.

"Thunder?" He whispered.

"Uh huh..." She nodded against him. "Thunder and lightning..."

"Oh, those can seem pretty scary..." Derek agreed as he rocked her softly, enjoying the thought of her sharing her fears with him, no matter how big or how small. "I'm scared of...creepy crawly spiders..." Derek whispered.

"Ew... me too..." She said, looking up at him to see the grimace on his face, she made an 'ick' face and shifted to look back out into the darkness of the backyard. "I'm scared of... um... the dark..."

"You're scared of the dark?" Derek asked, watching her look up at him as if she wasn't sure if he believed her or not. She nodded at him and watched his eyes as they softened. "I don't like the dark either..." He said softly. "I like the sunshine..."

"I do too..." She said softly. "The sunshine is warm."

"It sure is..." Derek nodded. "It's a good thing that the bedroom that I picked out for you has a nice big window in it..." He said softly as he watched her look back up at him. "All of the sunshine you could ever ask for is going to keep you nice and warm in your very own bedroom..." He smiled.