𝐅𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐇𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬

twenty-three. | after/twenty-two.

after
twenty-two

The revelation that I would purposely hurt Auden if it meant I got Anaca is overwhelming. I know it's true and that's shameful to admit. I should be disgusted with myself. Some lengths are too far and I know that. It's a line that I know I need to be cautious with, but I must be honest with myself. I wouldn't feel remorse for my actions, only for how my actions would make Anaca feel. I learned that mistake with Tilly years ago. I should have cared more about her feelings than the monster.

I didn't.

Not really.

But I can learn from that now with Anaca and Auden.

Situating myself to cause trouble is avoidable, and I must be smart enough to do so.

Anaca wants his life with Auden and I must respect that.

I don't have to like it, but it's important that I attempt to not leave wreckage behind when I go.

Not for me, but for him.

He might be the only person in this world that I truly care what he thinks of me.

The only person.

Even after all this time.

And he's currently installing a facet in the kitchen as I slip out of the side door.

I hadn't gone into the study since I arrived, but today it was best I steer clear of Anaca altogether.

The study is nothing more than a empty dusty room now, no doubt he would just slap a fresh coat of paint and finish the floors.

My cruiser still sat where I last saw it. I had intended to take the bus to work this morning, but we both knew I would end up accepting the cruiser. It was mine after all.

The pottery shop gig is easy enough. I basically just needed to be around to ring up customers or answer a question or two, and that allotted me privileges to use the studio in my free time. I packed an extra pair of clothes to spend a few hours after my shift. It would do me some good to get a bit of aggression out on the clay.

It surprised me how trusting the owner, Mel, was to simply hand me the keys to her business and not so much as look after me for a day or two. For all she knew, I would run off with her till and never return.

As slow as one might think a pottery shop would be, it's slower.

I think the only reason this place is still running to begin with is parties and Wine Tuesdays. It's definitely not because of merchandise sales.

A few texts from my sister sit on the home screen of my phone while I perched myself on the stool behind the register. I had already restocked and faced all the shelves and swept. Twice.

Willow wants to yell at me for ignoring Ian and likely to tell me that he would be making an appearance in a few days.

I've been dreading it since Anaca brought it up.

I find it's best to deal with Ian in small doses and exclusively in Willow's company.

The times I do have to deal with him on my own tend to end badly. Me yelling, him yelling or us not speaking at all. Perhaps we're more alike than I'd like to think.

I slide my finger over Willow's text.

It's been days. Are you alive?

That's her most recent attempt to get an answer from me. It came after the panic, threats and finally a calm.