Chasing You

chapter 3: just realized

When Beam regained his strength after a week, his mother took him home. He had no plan to tell his mother what really happened before he got hospitalized, he also asked his siblings to keep it secret to their parents, especially to their mom. But his mom already knew everything.

Beam decided to leave Thailand and stay in Korea, with his grandparents. Their parents agreed, but he will go with Thype.

The night before their flight, his mother talked to him.

"Beam son, i knew everything between you and Forth" his mother told him and Beam became speechless.

"Mm...mae" said Beam

"Son, why do you have to keep it a secret from me, I am your mother right?" Said Bern "and above anyone else, I have the right to know what happened to you, to all of you, hmmm." She asked, patting her son's head and guiding him to lay on her lap.

"I am so sorry Mae." Said Beam

"It's ok baby, I understand, but do you really want to stay in Korea?" She asked and Beam just nodded. "Is it because of Forth?" She added.

"Yes Mae, i..i..really want to move on from him, all my life i've been following him like a lost puppy but he always chased me away." He said with tears in his eyes, his mother continued to caress his hair and she kept listening to him. "When we were kids, he used to promise me that he would marry me and love me but those are just broken promises made by a little kid and I am crazy enough to believe that." He continued with a bitter smile flash in his beautiful red lips.

"What if he apologizes to you?" She asked

Beam shook his head. "No Mae, he will never apologize." He said

"Why did you say that?" She asked

"Because on the day we had a fight, I can see in his eyes the determination to keep me away from his life, Mae." He said. "I can see the anger and hatred he feels towards me and it is not the first time he hurt my feelings, Mae. Everyday, Mae, everyday he makes me feel that I am worthless to him, that I am just a piece of shit who is always pestering him." Beam continued crying and his mom lifted him up to sit and hugged him tight.

"I am sorry son, I didn't know that you've been through a lot, sorry that Mae is not always by your side during that time." His mother tells him and she cries also. She feels pity to his son.

"No Mae, it is not your fault or it is not anybody's fault, but only me, it is all my fault, I should have not loved him from the beginning Mae." Beam said. "And I want to forget him Mae, sorry if I choose to stay away from all of you, I promise that I will be a better person when I come back, already healed and already forget him." He continues.

"It's alright son, we are here to support our baby Beamie, and if leaving Thailand is the only way for you to be happy again, Mae and Por will understand, hmmmm." She said

"Thank you Mae." Said Beam and hugged his mother.

On the night before his flight, he collected all the things that remind him of Forth and put it in a box and instructed their servant to throw the box.

The day of the flight, his friends send him off to the airport with his family, even Maila and David are there. They also knew what happened but Beam told them not to get mad nor angry at Forth, it is not also Forths fault.

Forth didn't know that Beam will be leaving Thailand, he just knew a week after when he noticed that Beam did not go to class. He can't contain his curiosity, that's why he asked Phana.

"Phana..ahmm....where is....Beam?" He asked unsure if Phana would answer him.

Phana looked up at him and smirked.

"He is gone." He said

Forths brows knot and confusing look can be seen in his face. "Wh...what do you mean.. gone?"

Phana stays quiet, he just stares at Forth. And then Kit came laughing. "Oh my, look at your face in the mirror Forth, you look horrible." Said Kit, still laughing.

"He said Beam is gone...what do you mean he is gone?" He asked again.

Kit sit beside Phana before answering Forths question.

"He is not here anymore, he decided to leave Thailand for good." Said Kit while arranging his books.

"Wh..what do you mean?" Asked Forth, still confused.

This time, Phana is the one who answers him. "He left Thailand, after what happened to him, he decided to leave the country and stay with his grandfather in Korea." Said Phana, glaring at Forth. "He turned his back on his life here just to forget you, just to forget his awful experience with you." Said Phana angrily.

Forth became speechless, he couldn't say anything when Kit talked again.

"This time Forth you no longer felt that your private space was invaded. No Beam will annoy you, no Beam that will give you food every morning, no Beam that will cheer you during your basketball game, no Beam that will follow you like a lost puppy, and most of all, there is no fucking faggot Beam that will confess his feelings for you everyday infront of many people, you will no longer felt humiliated, so it is good for you, right?" Kit says it all in one breath and after Forth hear all of that, he immediately leave the room and went to the school ground.

He sits on one of the bleachers, what Kit has said still repeating in his mind. Kit was right, there will be no more Beam in his life, but why he felt sad and.....hurt.. He grabbed his hair with both hands feeling frustrated.

"Shit...shit.." he kept on murmuring when Lam walked near him.

"Hey buddy, relax ok." Said Lam and patted Forths shoulder.

"Why Lam....why...I can't explain what I am feeling right now...why...?" He said in a distress tone.

"Relax Forth, maybe you feel guilty, because you know that you are the reason why Beam leaves Thailand. That's normal, after all you're also a human, you also have the heart that can feel guilty, right?" Lam said and Forth looked up to him and nodded his head.

"Yah...yah...you're right" said Forth convincing himself that what he felt was a guilt feeling.

"Don't think too much, maybe this is right for the both of you." Said Lam

"But also remember this Forth, i hope you'll never miss Beams present, he is with you since forever, hope you would not realize that something will be missing in your life, due to Beams disappearance, because when you do... oh god best friend you're doomed..." said Lam laughing and leave Forth in deep thinking.

It's been two months since Beam left Thailand, and during that period Forth realized something, he misses Beam. He missed Beams presence, he just did not realize that, he realized that Lam was right, since Beam left, he felt that something was missing, and he confirmed his feelings when he opened the box that their servant gave to him.

He cried while reading the contract he made when they were a child, he also looked at the promise necklace he gave to Beam. Just then he realized that he loved Beam, he was just stubborn to admit and knew his own feelings, but it's already too late, Beam left already and had decided to forget him.

Forth talked to his Auntie Berna, he pleaded her to talk to Beam, but Beams mother told him that give him time, and they were also young, she advice Forth to focus first on their studies and who knows maybe one day Beam will return, and if Beam still loves him, she will not forbade his son to go to Forth. But in the meantime, she pleaded to Forth to give Beam time to heal his own wounds.