The Lies of the Past

Kabanata 26

A Lie After A Lie

Clea's Point of View

I really did hide her. I hide her not just for her safety, but also mine. I know at one point na maalala ni Clementine ang lahat at alam ko ring babalik ang dati nilang pagmamahalan.

And it already happened. Damn, another wrong move to another.

The way he looked at her eyes, fuck. It symbolizes joy and happiness. Saya na lagi niyang ipinapakita sa akin.

Bumigay ako kaagad. Without knowing na kapatid ko pa rin pala. All of this time, siya pa rin pala.

I lost at this battle. I accepted my defeat.

Mahal niya nga ako, pero mas mahal niya ang kapatid ko.

Umuwi ako sa unit, crying and sobbing hard. Sa dami ng iyak ko, baka nga maubusan na ako ng luha sa mata.

At this time, I was reminiscing the old us. The happy, lively and full of fire. The love was meant to last forever. But does it vanish though? For me, no.

Siya pa rin hanggang ngayon.

"Tangina!! Ayoko na." Paiyak na sigaw ko habang sinasabunutan ang sarili. Parang nawawala na naman ako sa tamang katinuan.

Nawawalan na ako ng lakas upang lumaban pa.

Natigil lang ang pagsabunot ko sa ulo nang marinig ang tawag ni mama sa akin.

I picked it up and waited for her words.

"Anak." She called me. It was present in her voice that she was scared or feeling worried about something.

"Oh yes ma?" Tinuyo ko ang luha sa mga mata at ipinilit na ngumiti habang kausap siya.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, but this feeling was unusual to me.

"Pwede bang umuwi ka muna dito?"  She said in a sad tone.

It looks like she was having a bad time. So as her daughter, I should help her.

"Yes, ma. Pupunta ako diyan." I replied and wiped the tears from my eyes.

Ibinaba niya ang call at agad naman akong nag-ayos bago pumunta sa bahay.

Parang kung may anong masamang pangitain akong nakikita na parang kapag nagtungo ako sa bahay ay may rebelasyon akong makikita.

Parang isa itong sumpang wala akong takas. Kagaya na lamang nang nangyari noon. Na kapag nawala ako sa sarili ay nagagawa ko ang mga bagay na di kailanma'y gusto kong gawin.

Alas-singko na ng hapon at nasa daan pa rin ako. Papalubog na ang araw at traffic pa rin!

But luckily nakauwi akong ligtas.

"Ma naman! I think this is the right time we should tell her!." Isa iyong boses na pamilyar sa akin. It was Clementine's voice.

"Tell me about what?" I opened the door and asked them. Naiwan silang nakatulala.

Hindi siguro nila ineexpect na darating ako na hindi kumakatok.

It was like deja vu.

A deja vu after a deja vu. Lies after lies. And secrets after secrets. It was an endless cycle of mysteries. A mystery that defines what real love is.

[The Past]

"Love." He softly called me.

Lumapit ako sa kanya at niyakap. He buried his head on my shoulder. He looks tired.

"Hmm?" I asked him.

"Don't break the hug, I just miss you." Damn, butterflies. His sweetness will be the death of me. So clingy!

Clingy boyfie

"Ano ba kasing nangyayari?" I asked him. He just sighed at nagpatuloy sa pagyakap sa akin.

"I was just tired love." He closed his eyes and remained standing hugging me tightly.

"Halika, matulog na muna tayo. Para naman tayong tangang nakatayo dito e." I laughed. He chuckled a bit before bringing me to bed.

"I love you, my light. And my universe." His last words before he dozed to sleep.

[Present]

Hindi ko mapigilang umiyak at umiyak. I was still affected by him. Siya pa rin. At siya lang.

Pero noong makita ko yung ngiti sa mata niya, I know he'll be great without me.

Ako ang nagsilbing liwanag sa pagbabago niya.

"Anak." Mom called me. Nangingig siya at hindi alam kung paano sasabihin sa akin yung pinag-uusapan nila.

"Ano nga yun?!" Hindi ko na maiwasan ang hindi sumigaw.

Tangina puro na lang hindi ko alam!

I remembered her words last month.

"Even if you found out the truth, sana naman pakinggan mo pa rin ang kapatid mo. Kapatid mo pa rin siya. And the two of you needs to know the truth."

Sana naman masabi na niya ang kahulugan kung bakit niya sinabi yan. I was thinking left to right that night kung ano nga ba iyon.

I think this is the day.

"Ate." Panimula ni Clementine na lumunok at sandaling yumuko.

"I'm sorry." She said crying softly.

"For what?!" I hysterically shouted.

"F-for l-ly-ying to y-you." Nangingig na wika niya habang inaalalayan siya ni mama.

"Lying?" I laughed.

"Alam ko ang lahat. Yung sainyo ni Xion alam ko. Kaya nga tinatanong kita kung may koneksyon ka pa sa kanya para alam kong lumayo na."

Patuloy pa ring nakabukas ang bunganga ko due to her sudden confession. Patuloy lang akong nakikinig sa kanya.

"Kaya noong sinabi mong hindi mo siya kilala, I knew you still have feelings for him. Kasi naman kung wala na, sasabihin mong oo at gagawan mo nang paraan para magkita kami."

"That's why hindi ko hinahayaan ang sarili na magkita kami. That's why majority of my days here lagi akong nasa loob. Dahil alam ko na kapag nakita niya ako. He will do reckless things na maari niyang pagsisihan."

"Sorry ate. Sorry for hiding the truth to you. Sorry for everything ate."

"N-no." My voice broke. "You don't need to say sorry." I said and lightly hugged her.

"I was the main reason kung bakit hindi ka pa tanggap ng pamilya niya noon. They knew I was alive. Kaya kung maari ay ayaw pa rin nilang makahanap ng iba ang anak nila maliban doon sa nerd na tangang muntik kang patayin ngayon."

"Don't ask na ate kung paano ko nalaman." She smiled.

"Isa na lang ang gusto kong gawin mo bago ako umalis ng Pilipinas."

"Aalis ka?" There was a slight sadness in my voice.

Hindi ako naging ate sa kanya. Kung kailan nalaman kong may kapatid ako in blood saka naman siya aalis.

"Yes, pero bago ako umalis. I want you to give him one more chance at let yourself love him freely again. Just like how the two of you meet." She replied smiling at me.

Maybe this is the time.

Forgiveness and Love. Susugal na akong muli.

:)
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