You didn't understand what happened but one day Jesi just stop talking to you. With that day when Sid talked to you about her, made it feel like you were being punished for something you didn't do. You couldn't understand why she was doing this. Sid tried keeping your spirit up but it was more like he was crashing a car into your heart even time he brought it up. You guys started talking a lot before that day. She would always talk to you on video chat, and you would always wait for her call. There was very few females that could do that to you in your entire life. Getting along with females just wasn't your thing. What was even less your thing was falling for a female. You liked girls yea but you never wanted to get to close. Jesi was a different case though, but look at you now. You got close and now your in a pool of sadness. "I knew better, I should've at least but no.... I had to fall........ Again." You said to yourself as you cried. You didn't know why you were crying though. Its not like she was a girlfriend that broke up with you. You tried thinking of something to do. You went out to the living with stained cheeks from tears, and a purpose. You burst into the living room. "SID WE ARE GOING ON A DATE." 'Oh god another rash decision' Sid thought. You don't know why but it was like your brain didn't work when you were sad. You thought out nothing your brain would just decide something was ok so it was happening. You went to walk out the room to get ready and Sid grabbed your arm.
"Hey hey hey hey." He said while pulling you back. He wrapped you in his arms. "Now y/n you know we can't do that right?" He knew holding you in place would slow your mind. Because how your mind works is the sad makes you brain move faster, and your body will keep moving to keep your mind away from the sad. All you did was nod when he asked you. "Good now how about this instead I gopuff you you more ice cream?" You just nodded again and headed to your room on your way there you thought you were gonna get fat, then you realized that wasn't gonna happen. You had only gained 50 pounds in 3 years and that was with no exercise and a diet of mostly snacks. So you were good. You decided you couldn't take the silence anymore so you decided to put on music. It seemed like the world was out to get you and make you sad. No matter how many times you press the skip button another sad love song came on. Ok TV it is, but every station had some kind love bullshit on. Ok hulu it is, you put it on and decided on watching the show 'baby Daddy' surely nothing could go wrong with this. But it was the episode of bony and brads wedding.
"I HATE LIFE." You screamed. You had reached your braking point. Your heart and brain finally lost it neither one knew how to deal with the other. It was always a matter of time before your sadness turned to anger you don't know why but those were a package deal when it can to you. "I'm cleaning fuck this." There your body went moving on its own again. Even though you were standing straight and determine on the out side. You were a mopy mess on the inside. It was like your body was in auto pilot because your brain wasn't there. You ended up cleaning the whole house ending in the living room.
"You done?" Sid asked while standing in front of you.
"Yup just finished." You said in triumph.
"Good now you just need to find something to distract yourself for the last 20 hours of the day." He said while waving you off. You glared at him but knew he was right. It took just a couple of hours to finish everything. You started to feel ok for awhile while cleaning. Now you started to feel sad again and decided nothing was gonna change so you put on some music.
You sit and cry wanting her to know how much you were hurting right now. You can't though you promised that you would do nothing to cause her family to brake up. Your scared that if she knew exactly what you where going through, and knew how much you loved her something would make everything she has fall apart. You couldn't allow that to happen. Even though you feel like it would be better. She deserves to be treated like a queen but he treats her like less than that, but she seems happy. So you will not destroy her happiness. Or let anyone else destroy it.
Hey everyone😅 sorry it took a long time to update I will try to get back on it and sorry for all the depressing today with both my books. its just somehow both my books hit this patch at the same time. but see you guys later. byyyeeeee
YOU ARE READING
her hopeless love
Romantizmyou want her, you need her, you crave her. She is the very reason you breath. But you can't have her. Or will she choose you? #4 in bisexualfemale (2023)
