Mrs. Araneta

Chapter XXVI: Love, Clea 🤍

"It was a love, I will never understand;
why God or fate or life or timing gave me everything I ever wanted, only to take it all away."

***
IRENE's POV:

"Paano ang puso kong ito
Ngayong lumisan ka sa buhay ko?
Kung kailan sumikat ang araw
At lumigaya ang aking mundo"

Four seconds. That's all it took for my life to turned upside down. Four seconds and two bullets, with one fatal shot. That's it. And then gone.
Patrick's gone. My best friend, Alfy and Clea's Dada, my husband.. my Patrick.

I don't know how I got here. How I was able to drive myself home. Our home. All I remember was the police giving me back Pat's personal items that they placed inside the ziplock. His car key, to which I am seating right now.

I called Kuya to let him know. He will handle all the legal matters, I can't deal with any of it right now. Ate's on her way to Clea. I have to ask them to not let Mommy go, magulo pa ang lahat. Kapag maayos na si Patrick siguro, but not now. I'm just inside his car. I don't know if I can go out. From the rear view mirror, I can see Clea's car seat. Patrick installed it so we do not have to take Clea's car seat from her Daddy's car. And outside is Clea's bike. Her pink bike that her Dada bought for her. It's neatly placed beside Patrick's. Slowly, I muster up all the courage that's still left in me to get out of the car. Then I saw it. His unfinished hash brown from this morning's breakfast. Clea doesn't like them, so every time.. Patrick will eat them for Clea. I take a bite myself. Tears are flowing nonstop from my eyes. I miss you already. I miss you, Dada.

***
My hands are shaking just by holding the door knob from our room. I was instructed to pick something for what Patrick is going to wear. This got to be one of the hardest thing I ever have to do. To choose the clothes that he is going to be buried with. Waves of air from inside our room came rushing through my face. The very familiar scent, the comfort it brings me.. they are now live a thousand knives stabbing me all at the same time.

It's exactly how we left it. Nothing has changed. Yet it's not the same anymore. Nothing will ever be the same.

"Da? Dada? I'm home.. Da-"

I know it's impossible for Patrick to answer me but it gives me comfort to just call his name out loud.

"Dada.. si-"

Oh God I can't. I started sobbing the moment it hits me once again that it's not just me who lost someone today, but also my daughter. She's still waiting for her Dada. How do I even begin to tell her that this morning was the last she'll be seeing him? My legs are shaking. I'm afraid I might fall down any minute. So look for something to somehow support me, and I ended up crawling around the foot of our bed. But instead of feeling a bit better, I just bawled my eyes out. Just how can I sleep here tonight? Knowing it's only be me? I reached for his pillow. It still smells of his shampoo. I hug it as tight as I can. As long as I can. But I am careful not to stain it with my tears. I do not want his scent to ever go away.

"Dada.. balik ka na. Hindi ko naman kaya. Dada.."

The picture on the table on my side of the bed is of him and Clea. Both of them are smiling brightly while they're on their bicycle. On his side, it's us. It's the first picture of us that Clea took two years ago, on our way to the airport before our Disney trip. There's another small picture of me, and a bigger picture of Clea, her face smudged with ice cream.

How do I begin to say goodbye to all of this? The door to our room opens revealing Clea. Why is she here? Sabi ko kay Ate ako yung susundo kay Clea sa kabila. Oh no.