A Princess Don't Cry

Chapter 6

That night, I arrive at the dining hall just as the twins enter. Great. I knew I was going too early. I'm about to sneak out again, when Theodoric notices me.

He smirks. " Good evening, Kathleen,"

" Good evening," I mummer. We are standing near the table, nobody making a move to sit down. I glance at the door. Where is my family when I need them?

I lift my head up a little. Trying to be a bit intimidating, you know?
Who am I kidding?

"You look so nervous, Kathleen" Georgia laughs at me. I blush, trying to let go of my nerves. "Relax, we don't bite."

"Unless you ask to," that husky comment is from her twin brother.

"I'm not nervous," I assure them. Liar.

"So tell us, how's life?" Georgia asks me, tilting her head. Theodoric leans against a chair. Why does he let her sister rule him around when he's obviously the one who has more command? Looking at him, I can't help but remember Becky saying he's handsome. He does look like he's posing for a photograph...

"Everything is good," I reply with a smile. Is everything good? Huh. No. Not really. As if I'll tell them that.

"Uh uh. How're the exams going?"

Leave my school life alone.

"It's in two weeks."

She looks me up and down. I try not to fidget. "Is that why you don't ever leave your room? Working hard? I guess you are since you don't have anything else to do."

I don't know if she says it with intention or not, but the words hit me like a blow. She had just told me I was useless. I know that alright? You don't have to repeat it to me.

"Yeah, I'm working hard," I say softly. But the thing is, I'm not. I barely touched a book the last couple of days. I can't seem to concentrate, which is highly unlike me. And now that Georgia openly pointed out the fact that I have no other purpose, I feel dread settling in. What if get low marks this time? What would father say? What would mother say?

How can I prove to them I'm not totally useless?

"How many subjects do you have?" why is Georgia so interested in my school life anyways?

"Nine"

"Huh. That's not a lot." Georgia says frowning.

Yeah, try cramming it all in two weeks and find out.

" Anyways, did you see the comments on the Instagram photo I uploaded yesterday?" bored with me, Georgia changes the topic to herself.

At my blank face, Theodoric says, "The pic with her holding a Trisiora flag?"

Why would anyone want to post themselves holding a flag?

"I'm sorry, I'm not on Instagram," I say embarrassed.

They both blink at me.

I scramble my mind for a way to explain myself. Why am I not on Insta? It's just that...I never really had a good reason to, I guess. I don't really talk with people, so why bother with an app which practically has 'socialize ' written all over it? I spend my free time with books and music so...yeah.

It's not like I can say all this to them. But looking at Theodoric's expression, I feel the urge to defend myself.
"I...uh..."

"Honesty, Kathleen do you live in the twenty-first century or what?" Georgia laughs at my expense. "No wonder you have only two friends. Oh wait, do you even have two? Cuz I've never seen you talk with anyone except Roselina, and she lives in another kingdom." She laughs again. "Well again, I guess nobody wants to be friends with a person who avoids them" Theodoric lets out a chuckle.

Deep breath, deep breath...

"Honesty Kathleen," Georgia continues, "Don't you think it's time you changed? I bet the only reason people know you is because you're a Princess. I mean, I wouldn't bother speaking to you if you were not."

Don't cry, don't cry... I tell myself. My throat feels tight and I know a tear would come sliding down my eye any minute now. It's probably not worth crying, but I have always taken hurt on the smallest things.

But I do have friends. I have four. And...we get along fine. Right? I do talk to them. And...I'm a good friend to them... right? I think back to all the times Jess, Becky and Mireya had spoken up for me. Am I a nuisance to them? Are they tolerating me just cuz I'm a princess, and they have no choice?

I want to go to my room to calm myself and cry it out. But I can't. I have to sit through dinner. I have to pretend that I'm fine.
So I smile. I laugh a little. I smile like it's just a joke.

Luckily, before I say anything to humiliate myself further, Conrad walks in.

So much for having my back, brother.

"Had a good day?" he asks our guests striding into the room with his usual confidence. He pauses when he notices the three of us standing near the table. His eyes immediately snap to me. I give him a reassuring smile, even though I'm anything but that.

My parents enter and all of us take our seats.

Only as I take my seat next to my brother do I notice that all this while Theodoric's eyes had been fastened on me. As lookup now, our eyes connect. I look away quickly, fearing he'll see too much.

As soon as I enter my chambers after dinner, I go to my bedroom. I close the door and change into pajamas. My movements are so quick that as I reach the bathroom, I'm out of breath. Again. And as I stand there, lungs dragging oxygen, my tears finally fall down.

At times like this, I wish I was stronger. But I overthink everything. I'm too emotional. Even the smallest thing can make me happy, and even the slightest thing makes me cry.

Why am I even crying? Because Georgia said I was a bad friend? She doesn't even know me. Then I think of the exams and all the chapters I know I have no time to study. I think of waking up tomorrow and going to school, lungs and heart aching, out of breath.

Everyone thinks I'm fine. Sure, my fam knows I have a breathing issue, but they don't know it's this hard. I don't tell them. Every time they ask, I say I'm fine. That I'm better. They all think my life is simple and easy.

They'll never understand. No one ever will know that every day is survival for me. They don't know that under all the pretty smiles and laughs, I'm hurting. That I'm trying my best to hold on.
Tears stream down my face as I try to calm myself down.

Don't you think it's time you changed?

I'll try, okay? I'll try to be a better person. I'll try to be a better friend.

I'll try to be someone worthy.

I hear my door open and I quickly cover my mouth, not wanting to be caught crying.

"Princess?" Yuma. I hear a knock on my bedroom door. "I bought you a glass of water and the chips you requested."

Right. I told her to bring me a snack earlier in the evening, planning to study a bit late. So much for study plans.

I look at myself in the mirror. My eyes are red from crying, face looking like I swallowed a lemon. I quickly wash my face, and watch as I change expressions. Soon my crying face looks expressionless. I plaster a smile and leave the bathroom.

"Thanks, Yuma." My voice sounds normal for a person who was crying her eyes out in the bathroom. I open my bedroom door and let Yuma place the items on my table. My expression looks ordinary that she doesn't suspect anything.

As she leaves, instead of studying as I planned, I jump on the bed, wanting to forget the world for a while.