A Princess Don't Cry

Chapter 5

From the moment I left my room, I knew today was going to be a bad day. I just walked from my bed to the bathroom and back and I was tired. That only happens on a bad day. It's as if the universe is preparing me for the worse.

I eat breakfast alone, cuz the oh-so-mighty Prince and Princess of Nuotier have breakfast at 9.

As I eat my waffles with whipping cream, I think back to yesterday. I don't know why, but since recently, I have started to notice even the smallest things they try to keep me away from. All these years, I was okay with it. When I was thirteen, I was too small to participate in this sort of thing. From fourteen...I guess I know what changed then. I'm sixteen now. I'm grown up. Why can't I be part of the inner circle? I can keep secrets. I can contribute to all the issues or whatever they give answers to every day.

The Castle is busier today as I leave for school. Throughout the whole journey, my mind keeps jumping to my self-pitying thoughts. I get down the car as it stops in front of the school gates.

I thread my way to my classroom. I'm only halfway through when my chest starts to hurt, out of breath.
Can't breathe, can't breathe, can't breathe, I mutter as I struggle to draw in breath.

See. Told you it was going to be a bad day. I do my best to keep a straight face while I'm literally dying on the inside. My lungs and throat are so tight that I can't seem to draw a single breath. Someone is definitely poking my chest with needles.

The only thing I want to do right now is to stop, take deep breaths, and calm my racing heart. Obviously, I don't do that because it would draw attention, the last thing I want right now.

I remind myself that I have gone through this a million times before, as I force my legs to keep moving. I definitely can't breathe now. My head starts to get dizzy. Maybe I will die today.

A girl crosses inform of me and I manage a smile, making sure my movements don't look robotic. Luckily, she passes me without a second glance.

The building with my classroom looms in my vision. Just a few more steps, just a few more steps, I keep telling myself. I'm definitely going to faint now. I imagine Mom's reaction when she gets to know. She'll probably freak out and never let me go to school again. Maybe that would be for the best.
As I enter the building, I feel like crying when I stand at the beginning of the staircase. I cannot climb all the way up. My legs would give away and I'll die without breath.

My heartbeat is so loud I fear students would come out of classrooms to investigate. Luckily, I'm early and the entryway is deserted.
You can go to the class and rest, I try to persuade myself. Just, go up the stairs. With one painful step after the other, I start climbing.
Do you think they'll have a parade in honor of my death? A grave filled with flowers? Would Father and Mother cry? Conrad would shed a tear, I assume. I reach the top of the stairs as I plan my own funeral. I'm heaving my breath in pants.

Few more steps, few more steps...

At last, after decades, I enter my classroom. Nobody has arrived yet. I drag myself to my place, dump my bag on the chair, and fold my hands behind my head, lifting it up to face the ceiling as I intake painful breaths into my lungs. I have firepower because my lungs and heart are definitely on fire. Maybe I'll burn to death.

Little by little, my chest calms down. Though still painful, I can finally breathe.

Yeah. This is normal. This is my life after the fateful event I do not wish to visit right now.

Feeling better, I slump on my chair, feeling tired. It's still eight in the morning and I'm already exhausted. I'm absolutely looking forward to the rest of the day.