The Immeasurable Marauder

A Light in the Darkness

By the time I walked back to the dormitories I realized it was early morning. But I didn't care; it was Sunday after all. I kept on running over what had just happened. The night had felt like an eternity- some of it bad, some of it good, but I was finding out that that's what life was- good and bad all rolled into one all at once. You just had to focus on the great bits to get through it. I couldn't wait to get into bed and sleep the day away but the night wasn't over yet. 

Sirius had propped himself up against the entrance to Gryffindor Tower. His head had lolled to the side, arms folded, legs outstretched. Stubble had spread across his face and he looked even paler than he had in the moonlight. I took a moment to compose myself before I knelt down and placed my hand on his arm.

"Sirius, wake up." I said in my softest voice shaking him a little.

His eyes popped open but the light was gone. He looked like a ghoul.

"Yves," He said straightening himself up a bit, "I was waiting for you. I need to talk to you."

"You always need to talk to me Sirius." I said, "Besides, I don't want to talk about tonight. I don't want to talk to you about anything."

"No please Yves. Please." He said getting to his feet quickly.

I considered him before nodding for him to continue. What the fuck was I doing. 

"I cannot tell you how sorry I am Yves. I don't know what I was thinking. You know I'm not really like this! I know you know." He said taking my hand. "There's something about you that overwhelms me. I just... I lost it tonight. It was my own fault and I know that. If I hadn't been so arrogant all the time, if I had just kept my temper..."

"It's too late for what if's now Sirius." I said gently. I didn't want to be the girl who kicked him when he was down now matter how much he deserved it. But that didn't mean that I had to listen to a thousand excuses. I was trying to focus on the good but it didn't mean that I wouldforget the bad.

"I know." He said clinging to my hand even harder and dropping his head.

"The New Years Party... that... I think we misunderstood each other. I saw you slip away so I followed around the back of the house. I didn't mean to listen in on your conversation with your brother. At first I thought he was some guy from the party. The way you were standing... I could just tell that you were uncomfortable. But then as I got closer I saw the resemblance." He paused to look at he. He was completely crestfallen.

"It's over now." I said, "Could we just keep what Alec said between us?"

"I would never breathe a word. In the moment I was an idiot. A fucking moron. I didn't mean to judge you. I know that anything you did, you did because you had to. I was coming off my family disowning me, my ass being handed to me by Bellatrix because I did the same thing you did and that was to choose differently from them." 

"I know you're not a murderer. I know that whatever you did, you were forced to do Yves. I was so angry with myself because I was the one who lured you out of Hogwarts. I was the one who pushed until you came and look what happened. It could have been so much worse. He could have killed you and it would have been my fault." He said hanging his head again.