Fuck or Forget you (H.S.-AU)

Chapter 18

Mia's POV

I feel so dizzy and I think I'm going to throw up. After another few minutes I force myself to sit up and look around the room. I've never seen this room before and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. Last night I woke up in Harry's house and now... I don't even know where I am. Since my mum's death everything's been out of control and now I'm just living my life without noticing from one day to the next and not thinking about the future and what I'm doing. I'm just a mess.

Some minutes later I decide to get up and search for a bathroom. The room is small and painted in bright blue. There is a desk with lots of sheets on it and a wardrobe. On a chair I spot some boxer shorts and suddenly I feel a lot more uncomfortable and scared than I was before.

"Where am I? Oh god Mia... what have you done?" I start talking to myself and force my brain to remember the last night and day. I stumble over my own feet and fall to the floor. It's a wooden floor and feels comfortable. Slowly I lie down and close my eyes. It has been a long, long night and day. The sunlight starts fading and it's getting darker and darker. I feel myself drifting off to sleep and I no longer remember what I wanted to do when I decided to crawl out of the bed...

"They are so cute!" I shout and jump around like a little kid.

"Well, the are just seals and they do tricks but nothing else." Jack says back.

"No! They are adorable."

"Yeah, sure..."

The show was great and it made me happy but deep inside it made me really sad. Mum, Joe and I used to go to the zoo nearly every month. It was always lovely to see the baby animals grow and see how the seals did better and better performances. They've been my favourite animals since I can remember and watching them being happy makes me happy too. Joe always teases me when I say that they are happy but it's true, they are. Thinking about my brother, Jack and I decide to look for them. We kind of lost them and I probably missed their fist kiss but I don't care really. I just want them to be happy. Half and hour later, after searching for them in the whole park, we give up and decide to call them. But they don't pick up...

"Where are they? They just can't leave the zoo without telling us..."

"But it looks like they did. Just text Joe that we are leaving and then let's go."

I hear footsteps running... But my brain can't concentrate and I nearly fall back to sleep. Nearly. Suddenly the door flies open and I jump up but then fall back to the floor because I'm just too dizzy.

"Oh god, Mia! We were looking for you the whole day!"

All I can do right now is groan.

"Come on, let's go downstairs and I'll drive you back home."

"Noo..." It should have been a 'no' but I sounded like a dying animal so I hope he understands.

"Yes, we are going to go downstairs. It's your fault that you drank too much alcohol so shut up and get up."

He helps me getting on my feet and leads me towards the car. Slowly my brain starts to process his words and everything starts to make sense now. I drank to much alcohol so because of that I have a headache, I feel sick and dizzy and I just want to sleep the whole time. But why? What happened after we visited the zoo? I try to think about the last 24 hours but I fail and my head hurts like hell.

"Mia." He says while driving.

"Yes." I mutter.

"Something is wrong with you. And don't you dare denying it because you know it's true!" He is so right. He knows me so well. But he should know the reason. He really should. He knows everything.

"Mia, could you answer my question please?" He tries to be kind but I hear the impatience in his voice.

"You..." My voice is raspy and cracky and I need to swallow and start again.

"You already know the answer"

"You are right. I know it and I'm very sorry about it. But your mother's death isn't a reason to start drinking, smoking and other stupid things."

"I don't smoke." I whisper, too exhausted to talk louder.

"You shouldn't but you did. If your mum had seen you... she would have been very disappointed. Mia you have to stop! You are going to ruin yourself, your life, your career, your friends..." He's angry now. I have to force myself to stay awake because I want to know more about last night.

"What did happen?"

"What did when happen?"

"What?" Wait. Am I really so stupid and hangover that I can't think without saying it out loud?

"You just asked me what happened but I can't tell you what happened if I don't know when. You have to be more specific, I can't read your fucking mind!" He's so impatient and pissed off and it hurts me. It really does. Tears start streaming down my face and I try to hold them back but I can't, so I stop and let them flow.

"Last night"

"Well... you acted like a bitch, drank one cup after the other, smoked cigarettes and weed, and made out with nearly every male person. Do you want me to name all of them? Every single one? You probably don't even remember all of them because they were so many that you can't count them. I mean if this would be a Maths question, to count and name all people that touched your lips, you wouldn't be able to solve it. So shall I help you solving it?"

He doesn't even give me the time to process what he's just said and starts to babble again.

"Jack, Ashton, Brad, Marcus, Luke, Adam, Patrick, Richard, Tom, Robert, Chris, Jim, Harry, Gus, Caspar and Joe. Yes you did kiss your brother, you didn't make out with him, but his lips touched yours. But that are not all. And I didn't care when you kissed all of them but when you fucking started to make out with my boyfriend... What the fuck were you thinking!?!?!?! Tell me!"

"Marcel..." I can't answer. My brain is overworking and my head feels like it is going to explode in the next moment. Every second, I get new information about the day before. Every second, new memories about last night fly around my mind. Every second, my brain shows me more pictures about that night and puts them together to a whole film. With every second passing I get closer to my answer.

"I'm sorry."

"That's it? You don't want to tell me why you decided to ruin my first real relationship?"

"Marcel, I don't know why I did it! I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing! I'm so sorry. I can't even tell you how sorry I am! Marcel. You are my best friend. I would have never done this if I had known that you were in a relationship. How should I know if you don't tell me?!"

"I did. I did tell you but you weren't listening. Mia, you are changing. Your mum's death made you change. You are not the same person anymore. Last night you acted like a complete bitch and told me that you wanted to steal my boy. I didn't believe you and thought you were just joking but I was wrong. And I am not, not anymore."

"What are you not anymore?"

"Your friend."

I am shocked and I feel like I'm going to die in the next moment. I'm wide awake now, taking in my surroundings, feeling the warm and tense air around me. Feeling the pain in my chest.

"But..." The car stops. We are standing in front of Amelia's house.

"We are here. Please go and don't contact me anymore."

I just look at him. His eyes are ice cold, his mouth is a straight line, his whole face frozen. He is absolutely serious. He doesn't want me anymore.

My eyes start getting watery and I can't stand it any longer. I open the door and run away. With every step I take the distance between him and me is getting bigger and bigger. Every step I take brings me closer to the refrigerator, closer to the bottles, closer to the numbness.