Fuck or Forget you (H.S.-AU)

Chapter 19

Mia POV:

If you want to know how it feels like being numb then.. Just drink!

It's great being free, careless, like there's nothing you have to be afraid of.

I feel like a bird. I could fly away so easily, but something is holding me back.

Right now I feel dizzy, 'cause I drank too much of that vodka. I feel like a Russian now. Vodka and whiskey, great, at the same time killing things.

I wonder what Harry is doing. I'm sure he would scold me now and he would freak out. I don't think somebody has seen me at this point. A breaking point, where only alcohol helps you. Fuck friends, fuck love, fuck everything and everyone. I don't care what others think about me, it's annoying. I should pay Am for the alcohol, but I don't have money. Amelia is the only one, who I don't mind right now. Marcel is annoying me. Harry is beyond annoying and just urgh. And Joe? Joe is from head to toe in love with his Amelia and it's annoying to see them happy. Everything is fucking annoying. It's not that I hate them, I don't hate them I actually love them all.

I love Marcel, he is the one who was always by my side. I love Joe, because he is my brother and it's my job to love him and showing the love, but I'm doing a miserable job. Well Harry... I don't love Harry, I know that I'm falling for him, but that's different. He has his bitch Cass and I hate her. He can do whatever he wants with her. I know that I kissed him, Marcel told me, but I don't remember it so I don't care about the kiss. There was nothing behind it, just alcohol. And Amelia, of course I love her, she was my first best female friend. Well Cassie was my friend too, but then hit puberty and she changed from a potato bag to a beautiful girl, better said, bitch. So I love them, but I don't care. I forgot how to love and how to care. And then there is Jack... I don't love him, I am falling for him, but he kinda is there. And I want love too, but deep down I now that this is bad, I cannot be with him, when I don't love him. This stuff I'm doing is bad, but I have to do it. I have to build walls around me and don't let people tear down. I have to be tough, for my own sake. I won't let the walls down, because then they will hurt me. As always.

Where the hell is Amelia? Me and Joe are living at hers right now, but they aren't home. They went somewhere and I am drinking my ass off right now. See? They don't care about me too. My own brother doesn't care. I feel emotional again. I could call someone... Yeah let's see what Harold is doing.

"Mia? Do you need something," Harry asks with a raspy voice. I guess he was already sleeping but I woke him up.

"I don't know, but I thought like... How is the word called? When you touch your phone aaand then... someone picks up... yeah" I giggle even though it isn't funny. I am so drunk.

"Mia? Are you drunk? Again?" Harry sighs. Why is he sighing? Not that it would bother him...

"Ehm no? I just pour things in my cup." I laugh again.

"You are shitfaced Mia!" Harrys voice booms through the speaker.

"Don't shout so much, it annoys me. As everything else." I roll my eyes, I can hear shuffling on the other end.

"What are you doing Har...Old?"

"I get my stuff and come to Amelia's. You are not capable of being alone in the house. Not that drunk. You could harm yourself. You are not often drunk, so you don't know what alcohol can do."

"Yeah alcohol has nice powers. I would like to be alcohol you know? To help people." I take the glass and pour more into it. Within seconds it's down my throat.

"So I'll be with you through the night and in the morning I'll drive home. You cannot be alone at home."

"Okay. Bye Harryyyy." I just hear Harry groaning.