1: Whispering Smoke - Evan Peters

Tirimasu

Dana woke me up at 6 like she said she would. I was slow to get out of bed, but I managed to get in a pair of jeans and pull a sweatshirt over my head. I realised I was wearing Evan's sweatshirt. It still smelt like him. I checked my phone again expecting to see a message from him at any moment. Nothing alerted my phone in the 4 hours I was asleep. I was feeling better, I had more energy, I was just stuck in my own head about everything. I didn't want to spiral again, I was getting so much better at keeping my emotions at bay and thinking rationally. Although with what happened last night, the only rational way to feel was uneasy.

"How are you going Alex? You ready? Lucas, Elliot and Curtis are downstairs," Dana informed me and I nodded my head. Dana told me Curtis would drive us to the Italian restaurant near his house, he said they had good garlic bread and tiramisu. I followed Dana downstairs and met with everyone. They all gave me warm, consoling hugs and then changed the subject in hopes I would cheer up. I sat silently in the car staring out the window. Everyone chatted about their day, and Curtis even played his band's new song through his car stereo. I wanted to feel excited for him but, I was thinking of Evan and I was nagging to ask Curtis if he'd heard from him.

When we parked in the parking lot, everyone got out to go inside. It was cold and I could feel my nose starting to run from the biting wind. I stopped as I saw a single headlight beam into the restaurant's window and turned to see Evan leaning up against his car and smoking a cigarette. My heart was pounding in my ears. Dana turned to look at me and offered me a small smile and nudged me to go talk to him. He was wearing a dark pair of pants and he had a hood over his head. I slowly made my way over to him as everyone else disappeared inside. Evan dropped his cigarette on the sidewalk and put it out with his shoe.

"Hey Alex," Evan stood with his hands in the front pocket of his sweatshirt. I reached up to wipe under my nose.

"Hey, look, I'm sorry for last night I don't know what happened," I looked down at my shoes that had a hole in the toe.

"It's not your fault, I was so fucking stupid last night. I disappeared on you, I shouldn't have," I looked up and saw Evan bite down on his bottom lip. He looked regretful, sad, like he'd let me down.

"I was worried about you, where did you go?" When he took his hands out of his pockets I noticed fresh wounds on his knuckles, still red and bruised. I reached forward and grabbed both of his hands.

"What's this about? I think we have stuff to talk about," his hands tightened around mine and he pulled me into his chest. His arms wrapped around me and suddenly I felt warm again. He hugged me tightly and suddenly, I began to cry. I dont know what it was but his comfort provoked an emotional outburst. He didn't say anything, he just held me. I thought I had it all together, but seeing Evan and knowing he was okay and coming to terms with the full extent of what happened last night, what has happened in my past, what my future looked like, took a big toll.

"Alex I'm so sorry," Evan whispered. His arms didn't move and I didn't want them to. I was so embarrassed I probably smeared snot all down the front of his sweatshirt.

When I pulled away Evan reached up and wiped under my eyes with the hem of his sleeve.

"We do have some things to talk about, but, just know, I reacted the way I did last night because I care about you and I was out of line, jealous, i couldn't handle seeing you with someone else," Evan and I made eye contact. I leaned up and connected our lips in a short soft kiss. Evan breathed into my kiss, and held my head to keep me there.

When we pulled away, I let out a small laugh and a sniffle.

"I'm not gonna lie I'm starving, shall we go in?" I suggested and Evan shot me a small smile.

"Yeah let's go in," he held my hand and together, we entered the restaurant.

-

"Curtis you were so right, the tiramisu is out of this world," I took another spoonful up to my mouth.

"See I wouldn't lie," Curtis offered me a smile.

"Alright, I need a cigarette. Anyone?" Dana got up after placing her and Elliot's share of the bill down on the table. Evan and Curtis got up and followed them outside. Lucas and I were left eating our desserts at the table.

"Wanna try some pana cotta?" Lucas pushed his plate over to my side of the table, and I offered him my tiramisu. It was just as good as the tiramisu.

"So Evan? Are you guys like.. dating?" Lucas scratched the back of his head and seemed hesitant to ask.

"No not really, we're seeing each other but it's nothing official," I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly. Lucas nodded his head.

"He seems older," Lucas noted and I let out a small laugh.

"Yeah he turned 35 this year," Lucas's eyes almost bugged out of his head.

"You're kidding, he doesn't look 35. I knew he was older but like, 35? Shit," I laughed at Lucas's reaction.

"Ready to go?" I got up from my chair and left the money for my gnocchi and tiramisu. Lucas and I caught up with the others, that were huddled around Curtis's car trying to keep their cigarettes lit. I came up behind Evan and wrapped my arms around his waist. I was so happy to see him again, to spend time with him, to be near him again. I let go and tuned into the conversation.

"Evan was just saying he wanted to show us his new apartment," Dana smiled at me and I nodded my head with a smile.

"It's actually so nice, the view of the park in the daytime is so beautiful," Evan looked down at me and smiled.

"Yeah she helped me decide pretty quickly. Anyway I've moved all my stuff in. If you guys wanted to come around now," We all unanimously agreed.

"Alex come in my car," Evan started walking towards his Jeep and I followed. I got in the passenger side so relieved to be out of the cold.

As we drove it was initially silent until Evan broke it.

"I have problems with controlling my anger, I hated that I wasn't there for you in the hospital, I was being dumb and I did some stupid shit after I saw that dickhead do what he did to you, I don't know, I saw red," Evan blurted and I nodded my head.

"What stupid shit did you do? Did you punch something?" Evan nodded his head shamefully, but it seemed like there was something he was holding back.

"Anything else?" I pried. He shook his head.

"No I just drunk a shit ton of beer and punched the radiator in my condo. Now it's leaking all over the floor," Evan laughed at his stupidity. I couldn't help but laugh with him.

"You need to work on that you know, why didn't you just talk to me?" I furrowed my eyebrows at him and he sighed in agreement.

"Yeah I know, I lied to you before too, it was the reason I got kicked out of my old unit. I broke the front window and had to go to the hospital to get stitches in my hands," he fanned out the fingers on his left hand and I could see a long scar running from the the tip of his middle finger to his knuckle. I hadn't noticed it before.

"Didn't learn the first time then?" I shook my head and turned away. His behaviour was destructive.

"I'm working on it, I promise," he reached over and grabbed my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

We pulled into the gated parking lot and Evan pulled into his designated spot. We got out and I stopped him before we entered the building.

"Evan last week I heard you on the phone to your ex, I hadn't said anything because it was your business but.. I just need to know," Evan looked at me almost guiltily.

"Yeah, she calls me from time to time. We were together for a while, but she's moved on she's got a baby and a fiancé. He's just a dick sometimes and she feels like she has no one to go to. It's nothing to worry about," I felt a weight lift off my shoulders now that we spoke about it.

"I should've told you, I just didn't know how to," Evan leaned down and planted a kiss on my forehead. I felt closer to him now that he'd confided in me. It was like a new and different feeling than before, one that could flourish into serious but detrimental feelings for this man. I followed down the hallway to his condo to meet with everyone else.