Unforeseen

Chapter X

I don't remember any parts of the drive home. I don't remember getting out of the car, unlocking the front door, or even entering the house. All I remember is collapsing onto the bed and falling into a seemingly endless sleep.

The events from the day before must've taken more of a toll on me than I thought for when I woke up it was afternoon. Light cut through every window reminding me of just how much of a terrible migraine I had. The brightness about killedme as I tried to make my way down to the kitchen. Sounds were magnified making me cringe as I was forced to open multiple cabinets to find what I was looking for. I was in so much pain from the endless throbbing that I couldn't concentrate nor recallwhich one I store my glasses in. Upon finding them an unsteady hand lost grip on the first glass, crashing to the floor it broke into a million pieces.Reaching for another I quickly filled it with water from the sink to quench my thirst and hope to numb some of the pain.

With no shame, I went out the back door in my tasteless nightgown and a pair of hideously large sunglasses to pick some fresh vegetables from the garden to at least get some food in me. Even though I didn't care to eat I knew I had to. After several minutes I returned inside, my belly now satisfied with a reasonable amount of produce. Removing my sunglasses, I went to the nearest mirror to glance at my reflection. The woman staring back at me I didn't know, she was unrecognizable. She was bug-eyed and tired. Large, dark-colored bags hung low from her sockets accompanying her desperately sad-looking face. Food stains covered her dry, cracked, colorless lips. Her hair was barely restrained in amessy bun, it was a less than flattering look mixedwith knots, sweat, and grease. Though the rest of her body appeared to have a normal color her face remained white as if she was haunted by something. Turning from the mirror I slowly made my way up the stairs to shower and begin what was left of the day.

With the beauty of the sunset followed by the brightness of the moon I easily got lost in thought as I watched the day come to a close from my back porch. It was at that moment I knew there was nothing left in America for me, and that I couldn't go on like this any longer. No husband, no family, no child. Nothing to keep me here but everything was a reminder of what once was...what could have been, what should have been.

A familiar phrase comes to mind, that I've heard more than I can count, it is said that no matter how grief-stricken one may be, through the course of time the pain will ease. I once thought that was true, once when I was in a better place. Maybe it was a mistake to learn the truth and to ask questions. Questions my mind wanted answers to but that my heart wasn't quite ready to perceive. I did feelhaunted here, haunted by mistakes Danny and I had both made. Haunted by all the unspoken words but mostly by Nicholas and his family who seemed to hold all the secrets. 

I needed something, I needed so much more than a new beginning and it was nothing I would find here. I decided that tomorrow I would pack upthe belongings that I would need and donate the rest to the thrift store before moving back to Vernazza where my only remaining family lived, back to a place where I felt I belonged.