Feeling For You (DNF)

Chapter 5: Home

Authors Note:

Hello, everyone! This new chapter brings the total words published so far in this story up to almost 20,000, yay! Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it! It means so much to me :) 

Word Count: 3,581

For this chapter, I recommend listening to Tightrope by The Score, Staring At The Sun by Post Malone, and/or Wrong Side of Love by Young Bombs. 

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter does have a few triggers that could be upsetting, please make sure to double check the warnings listed at the bottom of the chapter before reading if you're concerned.

The car lurches to a stop in front of the house, then pulls into the driveway. George is ecstatic, I can feel his energy bouncing around in my scull. It definitely isn't helping my headache, which is starting to turn into a full on migraine, but I would hands down rather suffer with him here than be fine and miserable without him. 

Today was much harder than I'd hoped it would be. I'd had a panic attack, then lost control of my condition entirely, and then-

-then George had almost kissed me. 

That alone was enough to leave me dizzy, and when I look back at everything else that had happened, plus the fact that I have been hiding my reactions to the surging emotions of my best friends, it's a miracle I'm still standing. 

Hiding my condition is draining, mentally and physically. Having to continually stifle every emotion requires concentration, energy, and stamina. I've built up all three over time, but I still have trouble hiding my empathy, especially for long periods of time. Anything more than forty five minutes drained me so badly that I would begin to feel ill.

And today, I've been containing my empathy for over two hours. 

Despite my best efforts, my exhaustion is starting to become evident. On the drive over, George caught me staring into space, practically asleep with my eyes open for an embarrassingly long period of time. Even worse "space" was George's face, and he'd though I was staring at him for all that time. 

It had gotten bad enough that I'd asked Sapnap to drive home from the airport, knowing that I wasn't nearly alert enough to safely operate the car. He understood, of course. Sapnap bears the responsibility of being the only person outside of my direct family to know about my condition, which leads to him always looking out for me and protecting me. He's a great friend, and as close to me as a brother. Unlike the friend who severed ties with me after learning about my condition, Sapnap stayed by my side. 

I just wish he could have found out about my empathy in a different way... something a little less life threatening would have been nice, I think wryly, trying not to dwell on the memories. 

I know that if I tell George, things won't end as well. It's not that I don't trust him, trust has nothing to do with it. Out of the two people in my life who I told (or, in Sapnap's case, found out) about my condition, one grew closer and supported me, while the other lashed out, ghosted me,  and left a scar on my right arm from a fight he initiated. 

If I told George, it would be a fifty-fifty flip of a coin, but fortune has never been on my side. 

I'm supposed to be George's best friend, supposed to tell him everything. How would he react if he found that the entire time he's known me, I've kept a secret this big from him? How will he feel, knowing that I've been able to feel his emotions ever since I saw him in the airport?