Feeling For You (DNF)

Chapter 25: All My Fault

Author's note:

Hi everyone! The total word count is now 90,000 words, which is epic! Thank you all for reading!! Votes and comments are so appreciated! 

Word count: 3,153 

⚠️TRIGGER WARNINGS: Warnings are listed at the bottom of the chapter, please scroll down if you could be affected by reading character conflict! 

For this chapter, I recommend listening to Love is Gone (acoustic) by SLANDER & Dylan Matthew, Liar by Paramore, and/or It Took Me By Surprise by Maria Mena.

"Hey, Dream. Are you okay?" George's question is quiet, testing the air between us. I'm not okay, and I can't pretend to be. Everything, everything, everything has gone wrong, with Sapnap and George and me.

And it's all my fault. 

"Skip the small talk, George," I snap. It's cold, but I know what's coming, and I don't want to prolong it more than necessary.

 He falters at my bluntness, but moves to sit next to me anyway. "Oh. Um, yah. Okay..." He hesitates, clearly unsure of how to continue. "Sapnap says I need to know what this secret is. You told me earlier that you'd tell me. So, please, Dream, would you-"

No, no, no.  "I can't. I tried earlier, and I'm only worse off in my head now." It's an excuse, but I can't tell him, not now. I want to, I need to, but I just can't.

George scowls, and twists away from me, hurt. "Yah. Okay. You know, I'm not stupid. I've noticed a lot while I've been here. I didn't want to guess, or make assumptions, but I think I have to."

A cold chill washes over me, and I tear my gaze away from the grass to meet his eyes, finding a steely fire in the mahogany irises I've come to know so well.  I've lied to George enough, and he's ready to know the truth. 

I can't blame him, I would do the same in shoes. 

"The first morning I was here, you fell and hit your head. You just happened to 'fall' at our sleepover the other night too, so there's probably some correlation there," he notes, voice shockingly level. The calm facade can't fool me, though, as I can feel George's apprehension and mounting anxiety. 

"You hide in your room after more than two hours of socializing, every time." He continues. "I thought you were just shy or something, but..." His voice fades into a questioning silence, and he tilts his head, considering.

I can't deny any of it, because it's all true. 

"When we rode the Tower of Terror, you only reacted when some little kid started freaking out. In all honesty, I had no idea what to make of that at first, but I've done some thinking..."

Oh, right. I'd forgotten about the Tower of Terror. It was my own fault, I'd known it was risky to get on a ride with so many potent emotions. And when it's a kid, it's worse. My empathy, strangely, has always reacted worse to a children's reactions- probably due to the simplicity of younger emotions. For a kid, there's Mad, and Sad, and Happy, and Scared- and that's about it. Until your brain grows and develops, it's basically just primary emotions. 

"And you're always saying things like 'feel too much', or other confusingly vague shit." He concludes, and I want to slap myself for not being more carful. George is far from stupid, of course he would notice the unusual things I let slip to Sapnap on occasion, or the weird behavior I can't shake. And that's not even counting the times I've let my empathy slip in front of him.  

George rubs his face, looking exhausted and terrified. "Dream, I'm gonna ask you a few things, and I want you to be honest with me. Please."

"Okay," I say, because I can't deny him. I grip a handful of grass and tug in a blade, ripping it apart in my fingers. A sharp edge burns against my thumb like a paper cut.