Feeling For You (DNF)

Chapter 10: Compromise

Author's Note:

Hello ladies, everyone! This is officially chapter 10, yay!!! Thank you all so much for reading! Every read, vote, and comment always makes me smile, and they really help the book! So far, in Feeling For You, I've published 35,400 words, which is amazing! I plan for the book to be around 100k words, so we're a third of the way there!

Word count: 3,305

For this chapter, I recommend listening to Close to Me by Ellie Goulding, Diplo & Swae Lee, Someday by OneRepublic, and/or Walk Me Home by P!nk.

⚠️TRIGGER WARNINGS: There aren't really any, just a little fluff (hugging) and the usual overthinking/self doubt. Happy chapter today, guys :D but don't worry, the angst picks up soon... 

Dream is confusing. 

One minute, he's trusting and vulnerable, letting me clean a cut on his face. The next, it's like he's a different person, back to laughter and teasing and flirting. Then, just as fast, he's different again, knocking over a chair and glowering with an icy stare. His mood swings are driving me mad. 

When I imagined meeting him in person, I didn't expect him to be... like this. Maybe he's, like, bipolar, or something? I question to myself, before dismissing the idea. No, I don't think that's it. 

Something is off about him in person. Dream seems much sadder, his laughter is more subdued and quiet, and he always seems to be hurting. After seven years, I know him well enough to know when something is wrong- and something definitely is. I hope it's not my fault. I don't think it is... 

I'm a little worried, but I try not to dwell on it. He would tell me if there was something he needed help with, right? Right? 

I... don't know. 

Everything would be so much easier if I didn't care so much- but I do. Dream is my closest friend, my favorite person, and I lo- like him. I have a crush on him. 

Which is embarrassing, all things considered. It's embarrassing to fall in love with the one person you know would do anything for you. It's embarrassing to be the one to fall for the teasing and the meaningless flirting. Its embarrassing to find myself wanting to kiss him, just like in my dream. It's embarrassing-

-and it's devastating. It hurts. 

I sigh internally, remembering how he'd looked away from me, eyelashes brushing closed and face lowered in shame, or guilt, or maybe both. His words, saturated in regret, echo through my head. 

"I wasn't thinking..."

"...carried away..."

"....didn't mean it..."

And there was my answer. Dream had said it himself, he was just messing around when he tried to kiss me. Maybe he thought it'd be funny, or maybe he was just trying to get a reaction. It figures, I think bitterly, that Dream is one of  those. Of course he would be the type to think kissing someone is no big deal, something that can be done as a prank.

Well, it can't. Not like that.

To me, kissing has always been big. Any contact, really, but especially kissing. There's  something intimate about letting yourself be vulnerable, be touched, be held... In my mind, kissing is something that should only be done when you love someone, or are strongly attracted to them. It doesn't even have to be romantic. I've kissed Karl, but there was nothing sexually charged about it. He was just, you know, homie hopping. As he does.