Feeling For You (DNF)

Chapter 23: The Fight

Author's note:

Angst pt II, here we go... I hope you enjoy! Votes and comments greatly appreciated!!

Word count: 3,228 

For this chapter I recommend listening to Didn't I by OneRepublic (technically this song is /r but I still like it for Dream and Sapnap) and/or Monsters by All Time Low (feat. Demi Lovato and blackbear) (again, this song is /r, but it fits this chapter anyway)

⚠️TRIGGER WARNINGS: If you are someone who could be upset by reading a verbal conflict between characters, please check the TW at the bottom of the chapter before reading!

Sapnap waits until George closes the door before rounding on me, condensed emotion building back up rapidly, evident in the color on his cheeks and the flash in his eyes. "Dream! You promised me you'd tell him. You're dating, he trusts you more than anyone- how is he going to feel when he finds out that you've been lying to him?!"

"I know, I know," I groan, fisting my hands in my hair and tugging to try and expel my panic. "I tried to tell him, I swear-"

"Don't swear. Don't promise. Not when you don't mean it." His tone is as accusatory as it is levelheaded, and I wince. 

I've broken promises to Sapnap, and George, and myself. 

"I do mean it!" I didn't mean to yell, but my voice shattered the bubble around our hushed conversation, making everything seem much more real. "I did- I do, I mean it. I tried, but I just couldn't."

Sapnap matches my volume, arms crossed protectively over his chest as if the stance could hide the paleness to his face, or the shaking of his hands. "You couldn't, or you didn't? Dream, you can't do this. You can't lie to him anymore. You need to tell him the truth, and right now." 

Right now..?

My heart races at the thought of confessing to George, something that seems to have been looking over me for quite some time. I'm scared, and my fear shows itself in anger, raising my voice and sharpening my sentences. "You know what, Sapnap? I tried. I tried to tell him, and I failed. I will eventually, but it's up to me, in the end. I don't have to listen to you. It's my choice when I tell him about my empathy."

He stares at me, looking shocked by my sudden turn from guilty to defensive. I'm just as surprised. We've argued before, but never over anything that matters. Never anything like this. 

Never anything serious. 

"It's not just about you, Dream! It's about George, too. He loves you! Don't you trust him?" The question is painful, both to hear and to speak. I can feel Sapnap's internal recoil from the challenge, his worry about what I might answer.

"Of course I do!" I feel like my brain is melting under the combined onslaught of Sapnap's amplified emotions and my own surging feelings, and I can barely form coherent sentences. "I fucking love him, and I trust him more than anything! But I- I can't."

I can't, I can't, I can't. He'll hate me. He'll leave. I just got him here, and he'll already be gone. 

Sapnap looks on the verge of tears. "Why the hell not?! You're hurting him with this, you have to have noticed!"

I'm hurting him? That's not true, is it? I know he's upset but... 

The truth is, there's no 'but' in this situation, and I know it. If I acknowledge it, if I admit that my secret keeping is harming George, then I will break, and I won't be able to pick up the pieces. The only other option is to keep yelling, words forming a useless dam against a flooding tide of accountability that is bound to crash into me sooner rather than later.