A Promise

Chapter Forty-Five

"I tried to tell you," Musichetta said mournfully. "Enjolras is not the same man from ten years ago who used to dream about a better future for France. He's changed. He drinks all the time, and he's depressed. If it had not been for the fact that Ambrosine has no one else in the world besides him, he would have committed suicide long ago."

"But I can help him," I insisted. "I'm trying to get him to stop drinking, but the withdrawal symptoms are terrible. He told me to come to you to ask you for help."

"He told you to come to me?" Musichetta said, raising an eyebrow. "He knows there is nothing I can do to help him. He tried to stop drinking when Amber was a baby, and he had withdrawal symptoms then as well. He came to me for help but I told him there was nothing I could do. After a while, he gave up and started drinking again. Why would he tell you to come to me? I've told him time and time again that I cannot suppress withdrawal symptoms."

I shrugged and sighed. "Should I let him have a couple drinks now and then to ease his pain?"

"No," Musichetta said firmly. "He needs to stop completely. In the past, once he had one drink, he couldn't stop. Once he indulges, he completely loses his self-control."

I nodded, feeling weary and tired. I felt like the weight of the world was upon my shoulders. "Are you all right?" 'Chetta asked, concern in her voice.

"I'll manage," I replied.

"Prison really damaged you, didn't it?" she asked in a soft voice. "I can see it in your eyes. Just like Enjolras, you are no longer the same girl I knew ten years ago."

I nodded. "It's true," I admitted. "I'm always afraid that my escape was too good to be true. I have nightmares about going back to jail, and I panic when I'm in small spaces because it reminds me of my prison cell."

Musichetta took my hand and gently squeezed it. "I'm sorry you had to go through that," she said. She hesitated, then continued speaking. "Eponine, can I ask you a question?"

"What is it?" I replied.

"Enjolras told me that the reason he wasn't arrested for treason was because someone paid a ransom to keep him out of jail. He thinks his father was the one who paid the ransom, but I know better. His father doesn't care about him. I also know that you are excellent at avoiding police, and you would never get caught unless you wanted to be caught."

"What's your point?" I said roughly, although I knew exactly what she was trying to say.

"Did you trade yourself for him?" Musichetta asked. "Did you take his place in jail?"

I fell silent. "N-no," I lied unconvincingly.

"Eponine, I'm not stupid," she said. "I know you're not telling me the truth."

I sighed in defeat. "Okay, you're right," I admitted. "But please don't tell Enjolras! He would only blame himself, and it would make him even more depressed."

"I won't," Musichetta promised. "He's already suicidal as it is."

"I wish I could find a way to raise his spirits," I said. "He blames himself for everything!"

"It's a good thing he has Amber," Musichetta said. "She is his one joy. Now he has you back at his side, and you'll help him raise the child. That has to cheer him up a little."

Suddenly, something clicked in my brain. I remembered the way Enjolras had begged me to promise him that I would help raise Ambrosine. I remembered the way he had sadly told me 'good-bye' before I left. I finally understood why he had sent me to get Musichetta even though he knew there was nothing she could do to help him. My blood ran cold at my sudden realization.