An Eye For An Eye

Quatre-Vingt-Deux

Humming a tune to myself, I pushed the cart down the aisle and sighed when I realised they were out of the usual cookies. I stared at them and wondered which to pick. Maybe I should get a couple.

“Liza, nice to see you again.”

Turning, I saw  Ms. Morrell holding a few groceries in her arms and smiled.
“Hi, Ms. Morrell.”
“Marin, please,” she said as I quickly grabbed some chocolate chip cookies and some plain butter cookies. If Deuc didn’t eat them, I would. “How are you coping with all this?”
I laughed. “Not very well.” Thankfully, I’d been sleeping far better with Briar’s concoction. I didn’t have too much left of it now though, maybe I could see them again. Or maybe it wasn’t worth it, I’d have to ask Deuc and judging from how they talked to Deuc last time, Briar probably wouldn’t let them anywhere near their house.

“He has plans, doesn’t he?” she asked.
“You don’t know them?” She was the druid emissary, it seemed strange that he hadn’t told her what he planned, especially since she was still alive.
“I’ve been keeping out of the way, he mentioned it a while ago.” Morrell sighed. She’d known before and hadn’t told anyone? “He refused my help, refused any therapy and look what happened.”
“It would have happened anyway.” He’s said it himself, nothing I could have done would have changed anything, and Marin couldn’t have done much more.
“You don’t know that.”

“I do,” I said quietly as I started pushing the cart. Marin followed. “He planned it since he was blinded. He thinks the best way to stop an all out war is to form a pack of werewolf Alphas, stronger than every other Alpha.”
“That’s why he killed the others.” I solemnly nodded. “Why didn’t he kill us?”
“Maybe he still wants you as his druid,” I said with a shrug. If he trusted her enough, he likely didn’t want to change to using someone else’s druid, someone who he wouldn’t know until he met them. Deuc’s pack was unusual in them knowing who the pack’s druid was.

“And what about you, Liza?” she asked. I looked at her, a frown on my face.
“I thought you’d have figured it out.”
“I had suspicions, after what happened to you.” I furrowed my brow. What had happened to me? “With how Deuc turns you. You were a hunter after all.”
“You think it’s to do with that?” I’d assumed, and hoped, that he had loved me too much to do that. But maybe Marin had a point. Maybe having a former hunter, and an Argent as well, as part of a pack of Alpha werewolves, was something he wanted, Maybe it was spite.

“What else would it be?” I looked away from the woman and focused on the shelves. Pasta, I was going to make lasagna later, I had to get the ingredients for that since we had none left. “Liza, is he forcing you to stay?”
“No. He isn’t.”
“Why are you still there? Is it because you don’t have an anchor?” she asked. I turned to look at her a little too quickly as I stopped to look at the spaghetti brands.
“I can leave if I want, he’s even offered to help,” I said honestly. “He understands I’m upset, and angry. And honestly sometimes that angers me even more. But he’s not forcing me to stay, he’s not forcing me to do anything.” That made it even harder, he wasn’t forcing me to do anything, not to stay, not sex, not anything.

Marin stood in front of me, blocking my path.
“You could leave him behind, I know some people who would be happy to help.” I stepped around her. “Liza, it’s not right to stay here. He might kill you anyway.”
“He didn’t tell you all of his plans then, did he?” I snapped. “Marin, please. If I want help, I’ll talk to you but right now I need to finish grocery shopping, go to my bagua class and then make some lasagna.”

“Liza, listen to me.” I stopped and turned to face her.
“Go on then, what do I have to listen to?” It sounded a lot harsher than I’d meant it but all I wanted to do was do my grocery shopping in peace.
“You know you’re not safe,” she said. “And you can leave, disappear and never be found again, if that’s what you want.” I stared at her and she placed her hand on mine.
“I don’t know what I want.”
“It’s because you’re always around him. If you step away, you’ll see why you’re not safe with him.”

Tears welled up in my eyes and I wasn’t entirely sure why.
“Marin, I appreciate it. I appreciate the offer and the help but…” I shook my head. “I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t even know how I feel about him any more, and I’m just carrying on as I am until I figure it out. If I leave and realise… If I realise I still want to be with him, what do I do then?”
Marin looked disappointed. “Liza…”
“I know, it’s weird and wrong but I think I’m the only person who’s safe around him. I honestly don’t believe he’d hurt me, not after that night,” I said.

She hadn’t been there, she hadn’t seen him drenched in his friends’ blood and speaking to me so softly. Talking as if he hadn’t just murdered his friends. Pack was meant to be like family and he’d killed them anyway. But he hated it, he thought it was the only way.

“I’m not going to try changing his mind or fixing him,” I said. I’d had enough of people like that. “All I want… I don’t even know what I want. But if I decide I want to leave, I hope I can come to you.”
Marin nodded. “You can.” Slowly, I started backing away and Marin didn’t follow this time.
“Then thank you, and please, I need to finish my grocery shopping, my bagua class is in an hour and I’m actually really enjoying it.”
“Have a good day then, enjoy your uh, bagua class.”
“I will. Thank you.”