An Eye For An Eye

Cinquante-Huit

As I shifted in bed, my wrist pulled and was stuck on something. Opening my eyes, I could see the bracelet caught on a loose thread on the duvet. I carefully pulled the thread from where it was stuck between two of the stones.

“You still have the bracelet on,” he said softly. I looked from the bracelet to Deuc and smiled.
“I have,” I said. “I sort of forgot I was wearing it, I must have been really tired when I put these pajamas on.” Normally, I would have taken it off in case something like this happened or in case I accidentally damaged it in my sleep; it looked expensive even if he said it wasn’t and I didn’t want to break it.

“Do you still want to keep it?” Deuc asked and I remembered the deal we had made, if I didn't want it at the end of the meal, I could give it back. “I know you didn’t say yesterday after the meal but…”
“I’ll keep it,” I said. I would feel even worse if I gave it back now. “It’s a wonderful present, thank you.”

“If you don’t want to, you don’t-”
“Deuc, it’s alright. I mean, I feel a little unworthy of it because it just seems so expensive but... I appreciate it. And it feels sort of rude to give it back and I’d feel bad,” I told him. His hand reached out and found my arm. His hand slid down my arm and felt the bracelet that was still there. He twisted it around my wrist with his thumb.
“You like it, don’t you, my love?” he asked with a grin.
“I do, mon chéri, it’s very pretty.” I kissed his cheek and snuggled a little closer.

For a while, we both just lay there. His hand moved from my wrist and the bracelet to hold my hand. I enjoyed the little moments like this, where neither of us had to talk. We didn’t need to.

“Do you ever want to get married?” Deucalion asked and for a moment, I had no idea what to say to him. I wasn’t expecting to be asked a rather important question about my future not long after I had woken up.
“Why? Are you thinking of proposing already?” I joked as I closed my eyes, I was still tired. Desperately trying not to yawn, I bit my lip.
“No,” he said, laughing a little. I gave in to the yawn and a tiny bit of the fatigue disappeared. “I’m just curious.”

“Maybe one day. It’s a lot of money and… I don’t know, maybe I’d need more friends first,” I said, laughing to cover the sadness of realising I couldn’t really invite anyone to my wedding. I couldn’t exactly invite Kara or Chris and his family. I was supposed to be dead. And I wouldn’t have my father to walk me down the aisle, not that I would want him to. “But maybe one day.”

Kara had never liked the idea of marriage, she had never liked the idea of committing herself to one person in such an expensive and formal way. She considered it a waste of money, time and effort and thought that people didn’t need extravagance to show they were devoted to each other. Initially, my views had been the same as hers until I had talked about marriage with my last girlfriend. And simply because we couldn’t, I had decided that one day I would. Even if it was a small wedding with the minimum number of guests required for it to be official, one day I wanted to be married. I still wanted to be married, it just wouldn’t be to my former girlfriend.

It was quiet again except this time there were birds chirping outside. Maybe they were singing to a mate or calling to their young.

“Would you ever have children?” I asked after a while. If Deuc got to ask a rather important question about the future, I figured I could too. I turned my head to look at him and opened my eyes. His lips pressed together and he was quiet. If he wasn’t lying down, his head would probably tilt slightly to the right.
“Not now. Or any time soon, really. I have too much to do, too much to deal with to even consider having a child. If I had a child now, it would feel a little unfair. I wouldn’t be able to give them my best.”

Humming, I could understand his point. He had to adapt to life without seeing, he had only had a few sessions on how to use the white cane and he had the stress of dealing with the wendigo murders. He could hardly raise a child while trying to deal with that.
“Please tell me that you’re not going to announce you’re pregnant.”
“I am not pregnant,” I told him seriously. It wasn’t something I felt like I could joke about, having a child felt like a rather serious decision to me. We had been careful and getting pregnant was the last thing I needed.

“Why do you ask?”
“Curious,” I said, giving him the same response he had given me, and he chuckled. “I figured you asked a pretty important, sometimes a deal-breaker, question so I thought I’d do the same.” I had once met a guy who was increasingly insistent about wanting children, we never made it past the third date.
“So do you want children?” he asked and I bit my lip.

Years ago, I had decided that if I wanted to have children, I’d have to have a stable income and it had to be with someone I loved, someone who I knew wouldn’t hurt them. A factor I didn’t take into account was the child now most likely being a werewolf.

“If the circumstances are right,” I said honestly. And then I realised I needed to elaborate on said circumstances. “You know, money, living well, actually being ready and prepared to deal with a tiny creature that you’re going to look after and be responsible for.”
Deuc chuckled. “It sounds so strange when you put it like that.”
“I mean, when you think about it, it’s kind of weird,” I said. Cravings, back pains, feeling a baby kick. “I mean, it’s amazing that you’re creating a life that will feel things and have friends and fall in love but… that’s also sort of weird and a little bit scary.”

His thumb started rubbing circles on the back on my hand and I smiled.
“Do you ever want to get married?” I asked. He hadn’t mentioned if he would ever get married, he had only asked me.
“Maybe,” he said, shrugging as well as he could while lying in bed on his side. “Like raising a child, wedding planning isn’t something I want to deal with any time soon.”

I laughed and snuggled even closer to him, muttering that I was cold as I did so. He was a lot warmer than I was and being cold was a good excuse to cuddle, not that I needed an excuse.
“So is it safe to say that plans for those two are fairly similar at the moment?” I asked with a grin.
“It seems so.”

“That’s good,” I said while smiling.
“It is,” he agreed and I smiled wider as I closed my eyes. “And you’re not actually that cold.”
“Really?” I asked while raising my eyebrows. “I feel cold.”
“Well, in that case…” he said as he wrapped his free arm around me. Giggling, I lifted my head off of the pillow to kiss him. I loved the moments like this.