An Eye For An Eye

Quatre-Vingt-Trois

Deuc stood in the kitchen near the sink. He leaned against the counter, humming to himself. I walked over to the kettle and put it on to boil. As I grabbed a mug, I noticed the spoon by the sink. I'd forgotten about it last night, it still had remnants of pink goo stuck to it.

"You'd been taking Briar's potion?" he asked as he turned to face me. He'd noticed then.
"I was struggling to sleep," I said honestly.
"How often have you been taking it?"
I shrugged. "Does it matter?" He sounded worried but I didn't see why. It wasn't like I hadn't slept at all over the last few weeks. With the potion I was getting the perfect amount of sleep for me to wake up refreshed, and best of all, I didn't have dreams about that night.

"Potions are easily addictive, Liza," said Deuc with a frown. "When you run out, it will only make everything worse." I looked at the spoon in his hand and sighed.
"I don't need it, it just makes it easier," I said as I took it from him and quickly cleaned it. The kettle started whistling and I dried my hands before making myself a cup of tea. "Do you want a cup?"
"Yes, thank you," he said. He still didn't look pleased as I grabbed him a mug to make him tea too. "Please, Liza, be careful."
"Briar gave it to me as a present," I said somewhat defensively. "I might as well use it if I need it." What was the point of it otherwise?

Deuc took a deep breath and I continued making the cups of tea.
"Magic is a fickle thing, Liza, like Briar is," he said after a moment. "Something useless can seem helpful, and something helpful might turn out to do more harm than good."
"It's been pretty helpful so far."
"Do you think you need it?" I furrowed my brow, what kind of question was that? Why would I take it if I didn't need it? "When was the last time you didn't take it?" A week ago, maybe longer. But what did it matter?
"Deuc..."

"Okay," he said, shrugging slightly. "Okay, I'm just concerned."
"I know." He did still care about me, I knew that. I poured some milk into his tea and quickly stirred it before handing it to him.
"If you think that you're handling it well then... fair enough," he said. He frowned a little before sipping the tea. "Just be careful."
"I am being careful." I grabbed my own cup of tea and headed upstairs to get back to my writing. I'd shared it with a few people in online forums to get some final feedback.

Several hours later, the mug sat empty at my desk and the computer was switched off. I sat on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I didn't need to take Briar's pink concoction. I knew I could sleep without it, Briar's gift just made it easier. It quelled the dark thoughts that drifted through her dreams.

By the time I managed to sleep, I could have sworn the sun was starting to rise. And it was like that for days. Thankfully, Deuc didn't bother trying to wake me early, except for the day of my bagua class. I was grateful for that, I didn't want to miss it, and I could always fetch the groceries afterwards.

Despite sleeping until noon almost every day, I barely had the energy to do much more than I needed to do. No writing, no reading. Napping was futile too, I ended up lying in bed with my eyes closed without sleeping.

Eventually, I had to admit that Deuc was right about whatever Briar gave me. It was useful, but I couldn't keep taking it like I had been. I slept worse now than I had before, minus the bad dreams.

With the full moon tonight, it was hard not to be agitated. Even the tiniest of things irritated me, spilling a bit of tea or accidentally cancelling the printing of my manuscript half way through.

"What are you angry about?" Deuc sat at the opposite end of the sofa and I stared at him.
"I'm not angry." He hummed and I sighed. "I'm not."
"You don't seem happy," he said softly.
"I just... feel like a bit of a mess," I admitted. Between not sleeping and the full moon, I hadn't even realised what day it was this morning. "I still get irritated around the full moon, even if I'm in control."
"It's not usual for that to happen at first. Is there anything you feel like you need to talk about?"
"I don't know."