Irreplaceable

seventeen

Mya Amalia
It's not that I don't want kids. Lord knows that I would love a mini Harry running around.

But a pregnancy scare right before I'm about to make the biggest career progress in my life, then in that case I couldn't think of anything worse.

I put the test in my bag and leave the bathroom, my skincare in a small plastic bag. It's chilly out today, It's finally turning into winter and I cannot wait. I love cold months. Hoodies, sweats, Ugg boots and hot chocolate is just the best. I cross back over the road, People pass by me like im some old regular jane doe. I like it like this, not been crowded and overwhelmed by paps and sweet fans begging me for a picture. I like the fact I can be alone in my own head and space. I check the time, its been an hour since I left the hotel room after Harry shouted at me because I wanted to know what was happening with Poppy and how my life will be affected by this stupid battle of cunts.

I wish my life was normal. I wish I had a normal upbringing, Getting to go to the park with my mum and dad. Having a Sunday roast. Seeing family on a daily. Getting to go out partying with my friends when I was a teenager. But no, My dad beat me black and blue most days, Then my dad and brother faked their deaths. My mother became non-existant in my life. I had no friends. Found one, who turned out to work for the Mafia and then I got fucking stolen from a store by a mafia gang. Who actual fuck does that? Then I proceeded to fall in love and go on a tour with the rest of the gang to smuggle illegal drugs. I wish I was a Jane Doe.

I pass by the coffee store on my way back to the hotel and grab myself a coffee. I need the energy, lord knows it. I like doing my own thing without having Niall or Harry blabbing on about some stupid situation they have managed to get themselves stuck into. Well, I knew what I was getting myself back involved into when I met Niall at that stupid fucking coffee shop. Ironic im in one right now.

I was finally becoming Happy again after the miscarriage, I had an amazing fiance, my best friend was by my side. Yet I threw it all away for what Im meant to say is the love of my life. Maybe the space from Harry will make me realise what I actually want in life.

I enter back into the small hotel. The guy who was sitting at the front desk is now face down. Knocked out asleep, kind of strange. Its deadly silent in here. Something doesn't feel right. I get into the lift and go to our floor, I step off the lift and swing the bag around.

Then of fucking course the stupid plastic bag breaks and everything falls out onto the floor. I huff and crouch down and begin to pick it up off the floor. The masks, pregnancy tests and snacks scattered around like I just lobbed them across the hall. Why does this always have to happen to me? Oh lord now someone has opened their door. I glance up to see Harry peering his head out like he was scared of something. Or like someone had just played knock a door run. He sees me picking up my many items off the floor and he immediately comes out of the room towards me. By now I've almost picked everything up. The only thing left is the open pregnancy test.

"You alright?" He questions slowly, like he thinks im fragile. I hum as I pick up the test and hold it in my hand. Harry takes the snacks off me and stares at my hands for a moment.

"What?" I ask. Why does he have to pull that annoying face that I cannot read, Its like hes pissed off, Happy and sad at all the same time. It frustrates me so much when he does it. I forgot how much he can frustrate me.

"You think you're pregnant?"

I look down at the test box in my hand. Silence. Its key in these types of moments. It reminds me of the times when I hid in my closet or under my bed so my dad couldn't find me. Or when I was waiting to run from multiple people that want to kill me. It also reminds me of when I sat in my empty bathtub after giving birth to my dead daughter. Silence, is a funny thing.